A Quote by Gena Rowlands
It was more freedom than I think most people get when they're starting out - or even when they're not starting out. He [John Cassavetes] did his thing and I did whatever I thought.
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"Freedom" is probably the word he said more than any other. He used the word freedom constantly. I think for some his frequent calls for freedom became a cliché because he did it so often. They didn't get it, but Reagan certainly did. He thought deeply about the relationship between God and human freedom and the nonrelationship between atheistic communism and that freedom.
I've never let producers tell me what to do. Even when I was making television, I always did what I wanted to do, and if I couldn't, I didn't do it. It was a freedom that, these days, young directors starting out don't have.
I'm much more collaborative than I probably was when I was first starting, much more willing to say, "I don't know the answer to that." I have really talented people and let them do their jobs and not try to control everything as much as I did when I was starting. I was a bit more insecure.
People who are just starting out are always sort of coming to me for advice as the example of "independent girl," and lots of people ask, well, how did you get the booking agent or the national distribution or the tours? And I look at them like, "Good lord! Relax!" I mean, how I did it was to not care about it and to not even think about it for years and years. All I thought about was getting the next little gig in the little bar, and I get this sense that people want me to give them the secret formula or the magic trick to make it all happen.
I mean, we did feel nervous, starting out, but I wouldnt say it was hard. We just did what we loved and thankfully it worked out for the best.
I think that when I was first starting out, even after I was on 'Gilmore Girls,' when things were going pretty well, I was constantly focused on what's next, how can my career get bigger? I could've had a little more fun, and I think I could've had a little more gratitude for the job I did have.
I have no more idea now of who I am than I did before. But at least I know that. And I'm starting to figure out who I want to be.
So many people mistakenly think that the rest of his [John Cassavetes] pictures and the ones we did were improvised, which isn't true. He wrote all the rest of them.
But everything that I did starting out, every job that I had, I haven't regretted any of them. They've all been informative, interesting in one way or another. With a career, I think there's this idea that you're just trying to get somewhere. It's like, "Oh, okay, let's keep going, because if I do this, I can get this, I get this, this." It wasn't that way. I did what I wanted to do when it was in front of me, and I'm trying to continue to do that.
John Kricfalusi wanted me to quit the job when he got fired in 1992. But the problem there is that I wasn't his partner. I was a hired gun. And then people badmouth me for 10 years, like a rock in my shoe in that camp. It's a very small but active group of posters, as I've come to find out. But the thing is that I finally got to the point where, "Okay, I get you, I get it you don't like that I did what I did." But the thing was, the whole story was cockeyed. They said I put everybody out of work. No, I didn't. Everybody was going to be out of work if I didn't continue the Ren & Stimpy show.
As far as starting or not starting, that means more to some players than others. And if it means more to someone else, I think you should let them start and just go out there and do your job when it's your turn.
Here's what I didn't know when I was starting out that I now know…I thought when you were starting out it was really hard to write because you hadn't broken in yet, you hadn't really hit your stride yet. What I found out paradoxically is that the next script you write doesn't get easier because you wrote one before…each one gets harder by a factor of 10.
Some of my peers are artists who are at the same level as I am and have been getting paid more than I have, so there's even a pay gap. It's disgusting. But as soon as you get one person speaking out about it then you'll get other people coming out of the cracks saying, "Actually, me too." I'm starting to see and feel a bit of change in the industry now. It's long, long overdue, but it's a beautiful thing to see and it's just going to get better as the days go by.
It is so weird to be on this side of that, because when you're starting out, and it seems like you're starting out for so long, you look up to the people who have made their mark. And you sort of want to be that.
I don't know if I'm more confident than ever before, because I definitely had confidence when I was starting out. Maybe I have less confidence now that I did then.
I never understood a word John Cassavetes said. And I think he did that deliberately.
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