A Quote by George Carlin

Your dog thinks you're a god. Your cat thinks the dog's an asshole. — © George Carlin
Your dog thinks you're a god. Your cat thinks the dog's an asshole.

Quote Topics

Be the person your dog thinks you are.
A dog will stay stupid. That's why we love them so much. The entire time we know them, they're idiots. Think of your dog. Every time you come home, he thinks it's amazing. He has no idea how you accomplish this every day. You walk in the door; the joy of this experience overwhelms him. He looks at you, He's back. It's that guy, that same guy. He can't believe it. Everything is amazing to your dog. Another can of food? I don't believe it.
You have no control over your cat! You can't say to your cat, "Cat, heel! Stay! Wait! Lie down! Roll over!" 'Cause the cat's just gonna be sitting there going, "Interesting words ... have you finished?" While you're shouting all this to your cat, your dog's next to you, going ... [mimes obeying all commands] "What the hell are you doing? I'm talking to the cat!" "Oh, I'm sorry!"
Who thinks you're as fantastic as your dog does?
On walks, make sure that your dog is not in front of you, pulling you down the street. Instead, keep your dog to your side or behind you. This will also demonstrate to your dog that you are the alpha figure.
A dog who thinks he is a man's best friend is a dog who obviously has never met a tax lawyer.
The dog is still in the natural state. And you can easily see that, because you have problems and your dog doesn't. And while your happy moments may be rare, your dog celebrates life continuously.
Be sure to incorporate your pooch into your daily activities to make her feel like a true family member. You can do this by signing your dog's name - or her paw print - on birthday cards, by getting 'from our dog to your dog' holiday cards, or by including your dog when asked the number of family members in your household. These small, considerate actions will make you an ideal petowner.
A dog will make eye contact. A cat will, too, but a cat's eyes don't even look entirely warm-blooded to me, whereas a dog's eyes look human except less guarded. A dog will look at you as if to say, "What do you want me to do for you? I'll do anything for you." Whether a dog can in fact, do anything for you if you don't have sheep (I never have) is another matter. The dog is willing.
Dog is much admired by Man because he believes in the hand which feeds him. A perfect set-up. For 13 cents a day you've got a hired killer who thinks you are god. A dog can't tell a Nazi from a Republican from a Commie from a Democrat and, many times, neither can I.
When looking to adopt a new dog, the most important thing to consider is always the energy of the dog and how the dog will fit in with your lifestyle and your family.
Knowing how to use your voice so it makes sense to your dog, using words in a way your dog can understand, correcting him without creating fear, praising him properly, and doing it all at the proper time are critical skills to develop if your dog is to learn from you.
If a dog doesn't put you first where are you both? In what relation? A dog needs God. It lives by your glances, your wishes. It even shares your humor. This happens about the fifth year. If it doesn't happen you are only keeping an animal.
If you get a dog, take care of your dog! You can just not have a dog if you don't feel like taking care of one, it's very easy to not have a dog.
He reproduced himself with so much humble objectivity, with the unquestioning, matter of fact interest of a dog who sees himself in a mirror and thinks: there's another dog.
Dog parks can be a fantastic way to socialize your dog, but it's important for owners to understand that a dog park isn't exercise and isn't a substitute for walk. A visit to the dog park is fun - play time.
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