A Quote by Gilbert Gottfried

Every time you open the paper now, there seems to be another celebrity getting arrest for masturbation. First, it was Peewee Herman and then George Michael. If masturbation's a crime, I should be on death row.

Gilbert Gottfried

Quote Topics

Another Arrest Celebrity Crime Death Death Row Every Every Time First George Getting Masturbation Michael Now Open Paper Row Seems Should Then Time

Quote Author

Gilbert Gottfried
American - Comedian
Born: February 28, 1955

If masturbation is a crime then I should be on death row.

Jeremy Piven

... it [masturbation] too often leads to grievous sin, even to that sin against nature, homosexuality. For, done in private, it evolves often into mutual masturbation - practiced with another person of the same sex - and thence into total homosexuality.

Spencer W. Kimball

Do you know what 'masturbation' is? I think you probably do because you are older than me. But just in case, I will tell you. Masturbation is when you rub your genitals until you have an orgasm. Wow!

Stephen Chbosky

Masturbation is not physically necessary. There is already a way by which the male system relieves excessive spermatic fluid quite regularly through the nocturnal emission or wet dream. Monthly menstrual flow expels the female's egg and cleanses the womb. For both sexes, physical or emotional tensions can be released by vigorous activity. Thus, in a biological sense, masturbation for either gender is not necessary. In a gospel sense, it is a sin: Masturbation, a rather common indiscretion, is not approved of the Lord...regardless of what may have been said by others whose 'norms' are lower.

Spencer W. Kimball

I wanted to put a reference to masturbation in one of the scripts for the Sandman. It was immediately cut by the editor [Karen Berger]. She told me, "There's no masturbation in the DC Universe." To which my reaction was, "Well, that explains a lot about the DC Universe."

Neil Gaiman

I'm a promoter of masturbation. Don't sleep around...learn yourself first! Guys do it, but girls don't. They should.

Taylor Momsen

In masturbation there is nothing but loss. There is no reciprocity. There is merely the spending away of a certain force, and no return. The body remains, in a sense, a corpse, after the act of self-abuse. There is no change, only deadening. There is what we call dead loss. And this is not the case in any act of sexual intercourse between two people. Two people may destroy one another in sex. But they cannot just produce the null effect of masturbation.

D. H. Lawrence

This is a rumour-filled society and if people want to sit around and talk about whom I've dated, then I'd say they have a lot of spare time and should consider other topics... or masturbation.

Johnny Depp

Masturbation is our first and natural form of sexual activity and if that's inhibited or damaged, then we suffer for the rest of our lives.

Betty Dodson

More details coming out about Michael Jackson. It seems his 13-year-old accuser testified before a grand jury that Michael had seven locks on his bedroom door. See, what happened was whenever Michael would install one lock, the kid would grow an inch taller, and he'd have to put in another one, and then another one, and then another one.

Jay Leno

Drawing and masturbation were the first sacred experiences I remember.

Carolee Schneemann

[On masturbation:] I think that it is part of human sexuality, and perhaps it should be taught.

Joycelyn Elders

Everyone thinks their whole life should be at least as much fun as masturbation.

Chuck Palahniuk

People are slowly realizing that they're looking at drag all the time. 'Mrs. Doubtfire.' 'Real Housewives.' Peewee Herman. Don't let calling it drag make you uncomfortable.