A Quote by Giles Matthey
I felt like I had to prove myself, but I feel that you have to do that anyway, as an actor. You're there to do a job, and that's your primary concern.
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We all had jobs that were just fronts. I felt like I was in the mob. I had a job, but that wasn't my real job. My real job was to be an actor. I always knew that and never forgot that.
I felt a certain modicum of success because I had been paid well to be an actor for the first time in my life, but I felt like I had done adolescent work on the show, and stepping into the New York theater arena was the first time I felt like I'd come into my own. I felt like I was proving myself in a gladiatorial arena.
I didn't feel a specific pressure to prove myself because I had an actor in the family. I didn't feel that pressure to fill some big shoes or anything.
I feel like being an actor it is a great way to do your job and be a parent, because you have a lot of freedom. You have a job and then the job ends and than maybe you don't have another job for a while or maybe you chose not have another job for a while. For an actor, it's like maybe you don't see your kid for two weeks while you are filming but then you might have three months off where you are at home every day and picking him up from school. I find it's a great thing.
As a working-class actor, leaving school with no qualifications, being a printer and then becoming an actor and then working with people who to a certain extent had had a leg up. I never had that advantage. It's less an artistic need to express myself and more a need to prove myself.
I always feel like I have to prove myself as an actor, otherwise you get lazy if you're not slightly terrified that you're going to fail all the time.
If you don't connect yourself to your family and to the world in some fashion, through your job or whatever it is you do, you feel like you're disappearing, you feel like you're fading away, you know? I felt like that for a very very long time. Growing up, I felt like that a lot. I was just invisible; an invisible person. I think that feeling, wherever it appears, and I grew up around people who felt that way, it's an enormous source of pain; the struggle to make yourself felt and visible. To have some impact, and to create meaning for yourself, and for the people you come in touch with.
I never really had that father figure to look up to. I think that's the reason I'm so ambitious. I felt like I wasn't appreciated as a child so I wanted to prove my worth as an adult, as an actor.
My whole life, I've felt like I've always had to prove myself. It's never been easy, as easy as others who are in my position have had it.
Like each and every year I got to think that way, anyway. I got to think about the next person trying to come in and take my job, so I got to continue to... work hard and prove myself.
As far as feeling like I need to prove myself or this or that, I don't feel that way anymore. I've been in this business for ten years, so I'm kind of past all that. I was there where, as a female, you always feel like you have to prove yourself; you have to outwork them. But all I worry about now is being prepared.
I don't consider myself an actor, for me it's employment. Like the actor who's a waiter a lot, I'm an actor when I'm not on tour, in that that's a job I can do.
I gave myself permission to feel and experience all of my emotions. In order to do that, I had to stop being afraid to feel. In order to do that, I taught myself to believe that no matter what I felt or what happened when I felt it, I would be okay.
I feel like if I were to play the game completely and just get myself in a giant bottle of nail polish and put myself on display, I would feel like I had somehow cosmically lost. I feel like I'm taking a bunch of the ingredients and using some of them but not all of them and shuffling around and making people think I'm doing my job.
At the same time, it makes me feel like I have to prove myself to the new guys coming in as well as prove myself to the coaching staff, which is a good bit of motivation for me.
When I lost the job with Cricket Australia, I almost felt I had unfinished business to do. I felt that my reputation with South Africa and internationally had been very good. And then you lose your coaching job, it is tough. It kept me three years out of it.
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