A Quote by Heart Evangelista
I found a new life in painting, maybe because I think I've found myself. I'm so much more comfortable with myself now that, with every decision I make, I can go all out.
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When I was young, I said to myself, "You've got to make the most of your life." It's all about taking risks. Push yourself to do as much exploration as possible. Find yourself. Because sometimes we think we've found ourselves, but it's only part of ourselves we've found. We haven't pushed ourselves far out there where we make mistakes and things don't work out, but at least we've discovered something. I felt that's what my life had to be.
I don't think of myself as making art. I do what I do because I want to, because painting is the best way I've found to get along with myself.
In my search to find myself, I’d found so much more. I knew now why I wanted to live. I understood love. I had found it.
I have to go through that arc with Dolores, and I didn't know what my arc was going to be. We found out episode by episode, and the more it went on, the more I felt a change in myself and allowed myself to be strong and to get angry and to access emotions that I don't normally, and I think a lot of women don't because we're kind of conditioned not to. It's freed me in a way, and it made me find a strength in myself.
I thought, when I came upon her, that I was seizing hold of life... Instead I lost hold of life completely. I reached out for something to attach myself to - and I found nothing. But in reaching out, in the effort to grasp, to attach myself, left high and dry as I was, I nevertheless found something I had not looked for - myself.
There have been moments in my life when I've become numb to certain aspects of myself that I found frightening. Or I've conformed to certain morals of society and then maybe rebelled or found a way out.
I had tried painting, mostly to give myself a greater appreciation of the craft and to inform how I looked at paintings. That led to collaging some of the work I had done on paper, and I found myself mixing in found pieces as well.
I realized I was trained my whole life to be an accommodating person, to make sure that everybody is comfortable before I'm comfortable. After giving so much of myself to strangers, I learned to care for myself a little more, especially on tour.
I tried to make myself as pretty as possible and even then I thought I was ugly. I found it madly difficult to go out, to show myself.
I found myself Tivoing because I was working so much last season [of Heroes], I Tivoed all of the episodes so I could come back and watch them back to back to back and I found myself like I could not put my remote down. I was like, "Just one more episode, please."
I really feel like I found myself, and when I found myself, I found the music along with it.
If I had a life with Woods to look forward to I knew I could fight whatever darkness that tried to take me. Before Woods, I didnt know what I was living for. In my search to find myself, Id found so much more. I knew now why I wanted to live. I understood love. I had found it.
I was gushing and I knew it. I surprised myself with my eagerness to please, felt myself saying too much, explaining too much, overinvolved and overexcited in the way you are when you're a kid and you think you've found a soul mate in the new boy down the street and you feel yourself drawn by the force of the courtship and so act as you don't normally do and a lot more openly than you may even want to.
It's always a weird feeling being on the red carpet, but the more I go, the more I try to connect myself to the here and now. And breathe. That's the way I make the experience a good one. If I think too much - if my head is somewhere else because I'm stressed out - it shows.
Every Christmas now for years, I have found myself wondering about the point of the celebration. As the holiday has become more ecumenical and secular, it has lost much of the magic that I remember so fondly from childhood.
I was shy and didn't believe in myself, and I only bloomed when I was in theater during rehearsal. And that's how my family found out that that's where I needed to be, because that's where I felt the most comfortable.
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