A Quote by Henny Youngman

I wanted to do something nice so I bought my mother-in-law a chair. Now they won't let me plug it in. — © Henny Youngman
I wanted to do something nice so I bought my mother-in-law a chair. Now they won't let me plug it in.
I bought my mother-in-law a beautiful chair for Christmas, but she won't let me plug it in.
I always wanted a father. Any kind. A strict one, a funny one, one who bought me pink dresses, one who wished I was a boy. One who traveled, one who never got up out of his Morris chair. Doctor, lawyer, Indian chief. I wanted shaving cream in the sink and whistling on the stairs. I wanted pants hung by their cuffs from a dresser drawer. I wanted change jingling in a pocket and the sound of ice cracking in a cocktail glass at five thirty. I wanted to hear my mother laugh behind a closed door.
My mother always wanted me to be in the best environment that I could be in. She wanted me to go to the best schools. Every now and again she'd save up enough for us to get a nice apartment in downtown Chicago, but we were never able to sustain it.
If you build your own chair, there is a lot of things that happen. You could probably buy a nice chair for less money than a chair that you built yourself, and it might even look better, but if you build that chair, you're going to take care of it and maintain it because it's your chair. If it breaks, you know how to fix it.
Grace means that God does something for me; law means that I do something for God. God has certain holy and righteous demands which he places upon me: that is law. Now if law means that God requires something of me for their fulfillment, then deliverance from law means he no longer requires that from me, but himself provides it.
A chair must be really important as an object, because my mother always told me to offer my chair to a lady
I learned early that crying out in protest could accomplish things. My older brothers and sister had started to school when, sometimes, they would come in and ask for a buttered biscuit or something and my mother, impatiently, would tell them no. But I would cry out and make a fuss until I got what I wanted. I remember well how my mother asked me why I couldn't be a nice boy like Wilfred; but I would think to myself that Wilfred, for being so nice and quiet, often stayed hungry. So early in life, I had learned that if you want something, you had better make some noise.
We just totally have abandoned reality here, and the Democrats have created a new reality that is not real whatsoever that people have bought into and accepted, to the point now where the upholding of current law is what's considered lawless and partisan and political, and [Barak] Obama attempting to skirt the law and ignore the law is what people think is the law!
I bought an ideal gift for my mother-in-law - a battery-operated mouth.
I picked up the guitar at 12 yrs old - basically, my mother and father bought it for me for Christmas. I played one at my friend's house; when I say played it, I just played around with it at my friend's house. It just struck me as something I really wanted.
I'm very objective about what I want to have happen to my protagonists and where that has to come from. On one hand, it does help me that I had a mother who might have taken the last dollar and bought a pack of cigarettes or something, but I also had a mother who exposed me to art, music, other religions, different foods. My mother was very adventurous in her own way, so she fed the part of me that was going to grow up to be a writer. But there's always, too, the opposite response that helps me to create.
I bought an electric-powered chain saw with a plug-in cord so if I run away fast enough, you can only chase me so far.
My mother and grandmother had me in church, and I was the kid that played in church. But pastor was telling me something totally different that there was a God. He knit me together in my mother's womb. He made me special. He wanted to have a personal relationship with me.
I'm not outright seeking stuff. Because all I want to do is done. I bought my mother a nice house and pretty dress.
You know the first time I sat in the chair I felt anything but up, it was very emotional for me. I had a chair in my hotel room, a chair at rehearsal, and I was trying to spend as much time as I could in the chair.
Until Ranveer was born in August 2005, three years into our marriage, I was working in Hindi or South Indian films. After marriage, I began learning how to run a house. My mother wanted to teach me the basics, but I was never home. So when my mother-in-law taught me chores, it was hard to adjust.
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