A Quote by Henny Youngman

A woman says to a man, "I haven't seen you around here." "Yes, I just got out of jail for killing my wife." "So you're single!"

Henny Youngman

Quote Topics

Around Got Jail Just Killing Man My Wife Out Says Seen Single Wife Woman Yes

Quote Author

Henny Youngman
American - Comedian
March 16, 1906 - February 24, 1998

A man assumes that a woman's refusal is just part of a game. Or, at any rate, a lot of men assume that. When a man says no, it's no. When a woman says no, it's yes, or at least maybe. There is even a joke to that effect. And little by little, women begin to believe in this view of themselves.

Erica Jong

A man goes to a fancy dress party dressed only in his Y-fronts. A woman comes up to him and says "What are you supposed to be?" The man says "A premature ejaculation." "What?" says the woman. The man explains "I've just come in my pants."

Tommy Cooper

You just got to remember that mine and Dana White's relationship is like we're a husband and wife. I do the man's stuff around the house. I do the fighting, all the man's stuff, and he does all the woman stuff - all the yapping.

Roy Nelson

We have not seen a single Jew blow himself up in a German restaurant. We have not seen a single Jew destroy a church. We have not seen a single Jew protest by killing people.

Wafa Sultan

This is where we go our seperate ways. Aware of the almost feel of his hand on my arm when he pulls me back to him and says, "Yes." I look at him, unsure of what he's saying yes to. "The questions you asked earlier, about wanting to settle down, start a family, see my family? Yes. Yes to all of it." I try to swallow but can't, try to speak but the words just won't come. His hands sliding around me, grasping me to him, he lets go of the vial, allows it to fall, to crash to the ground. The sparkling green liquid seeping out all around as he says, "But mostly yes to you.

Alyson Noel

I just got asked by another journalist 'Are you a feminist?' and I was just like... Is there a strange thing at the moment where you have to come out as a feminist? I've been asked if I'm a feminist so many times recently, and I'm just like 'Yes, yes, for God's sake, yes! Is there something that I give off that says I'm not?'

Daniel Radcliffe

A guy says, I'm so old that I forgot how old I am. An old woman says, I'll tell you how old you are. Take off your clothes and bend over. The man does this. The woman says, You're seventy four. The man says, How can you tell? The woman says, You told me yesterday.

Henny Youngman

I was turned out because I said to Europe no, no, no. That no, no , no has now turned into yes, yes. Two yes's not three because he got the Social Chapter out and he's reserved his position on the single currency.

Margaret Thatcher

Jail sentences have many functions, but one is surely to send a message about what our society abhors and what it values. This week, the equation was twofold: female infidelity twice as bad as male abuse, the life of a woman half as valuable as that of a man. The killing of the woman taken in adultery has a long history and survives today in many cultures. One of those is our own.

Anna Quindlen

Yes, alive,” said Fudge. “That is — I don’t know — is a man alive if he can’t be killed? I don’t really understand it, and Dumbledore won’t explain properly — but anyway, he’s certainly got a body and is walking and talking and killing, so I suppose, for the purposes of our discussion, yes, he’s alive.

J. K. Rowling

A man goes into Boots and says: "Have you got any Viagra?" "Do you have a prescription?" asks the chemist. "No," he replies, "But 'I've got a photograph of the wife."

Frank Carson

I've got a friend who went to jail in 2004 just before my first album came out. I'm on TV, and they're inside, looking at me like I'm 50 Cent. They think I'm killing it, earning mad dough every day. I'm sending him trainers and that, but it's not enough, because he thinks I should be doing more.

Kano

The only time I feel pressured is when some woman's husband comes over and says, "Will you go ask my wife to dance? She's a great dancer and would just love to dance with you."Suddenly there's a crowd of people standing around us and they expect that they're about to see Fred and Ginger. Here the woman and I have just met, and these people think that it's showtime. That is the only time I think it is really embarrassing.

Gene Kelly

A guy complains of a headache. Another guy says, Do what I do. I put my head on my wife's bosom, and the headache goes away. The next day, the man says, Did you do what I told you to? Yes, I sure did. By the way, you have a nice house!

Henny Youngman

They had a profile of John Kerry on the news and they said his first wife was worth around $300 million and his second wife, his current wife, is worth around $700 million. So when John Kerry says he's going after the wealthy in this country, he's not just talking. He's doing it!