A Quote by Henny Youngman
Hollywood called me, asking me, "How much to do a movie with Farrah Fawcett?" "$50,000" They called back, "How about $20,000?" I said, "I'll pay it!"
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There was a television show called The Innocents of Hollywood. Brooke Shields is a friend of mine and she saw one of the introductions to it, and she called me and said, "I think you better check this out." And on this show they talked about parents who'd ripped off their kids. One of them said, "My mother stole $300,000 from me as a child." Well, my mother opened a bank account for me when I made $60 on my first day of work as an extra. She's that kind of mother. But god knows what people will say when this movie comes out.
I waited all those years for a title shot, and when I finally got it, I had to pay $20,000 for the opportunity. My purse was only $18,000. So to make money, I had to bet $10,000 on myself at 8-5. That was how it was in those days.
I like to go out there and be organic and improvise off the energy I feel from the crowd, whether it's 50,000 or 20,000 or 10,000 people in the audience.
I won't do ready meals because I'm teaching people how to cook. I won't do it no matter how much you pay me, you can say you'll give me £100,000 to do it, but my brand is more important than that.
I remember my father telling me that just like Troy, he could get me in with the water department where he worked in New York. He talked about how he could get me on the job, and if I stayed 25 years, I could probably work my way up to be a supervisor and how it was a good union and all of the benefits and that I was going to make $20,000 in 50 years or whatever it was. He couldn't see that far.
I did a movie called 'Clueless' when I was first starting out. And with that paycheck, I went and bought a car, which I had no use for, because I lived in New York City, where you can take a train for a dollar anywhere. But instead, I bought a $20,000 car with a $12,000 check.
I got paid about £5,000 for my first fight against some fat nobody in Wembley. If you're an amazing fighter you'll get between £20,000 and £50,000 for your first fight. I spent all that money on clothes.
You're thinking to yourself, 'How is it possible that I am going to pay back $150,000 in student loans? I'm never going to pay that back. What am I going to do?' Listen to me and listen to me good, class of 2013. I want you to think back to all of these things you said to yourself, 'I can't do that. I can't palpate a cow. And what's worse, palpating a cow or taking semen from a horse?' But you did it, didn't you?
The education system is where young skulls full of mush are programmed and propagandized into the system. They are highly valuable. That's why they're subsidized. You know, universities are approaching the same circumstance we have in health care. What it costs is not related at all to market forces. Meaning what it costs is not related to what people can afford. You get right down to it, how many Americans, how many families can afford 20,000, 30,000, $50,000 a year or semester to send their kids off to college? It has to be subsidized.
The world over - 50 million children start playing tennis, 5 million learn to play tennis, 500,000 learn professional tennis, 50,000 come to the circuit, 5000 reach the grand slam, 50 reach Wimbledon, 4 to semi final, 2 to the finals, when I was holding a cup I never asked GOD 'Why me?'. And today in pain I should not be asking GOD 'Why me?'
When I was in the NFL, whenever I got cut from a team I would do paintings of the players, they would pay me $4,000 to $5,000 to do their painting of their family, and that's how I survived until another team picked me up.
I went for a warm-up and got called back and the fans started singing my name when I was sat on the bench. I thought: 'Oh my god. There are 25,000 people in the ground and there are around 1,000 Swindon fans singing a 20-year-old's name that has just been working on a building site.'
A reporter called on Edison to interview him about a substitute for lead in the manufacture of storage batteries that the scientist was seeking. Edison informed the man that he had made 20,000 experiments but none had worked. "Aren't you discouraged by all this waste of effort?" the reporter asked. Edison: "Waste! There's nothing wasted. I have discovered 20,000 things that won't work."
You do 1,000 interviews, 20 percent of every one is not what you said, or is twisted a little. If you multiply 20 by 1,000 you've got a lot of inaccuracies out there.
My agent at the time, Mike Medavoy, before he became a movie mogul, called me up and said, how about a movie with you and Peter Boyle and Marty Feldman? And I said, well, what makes you think of that? He said because I now handle you and Peter Marty.
When I think about the books I've written, it probably takes 150,000-200,000 words to get a 50,000 page book. Highlighting something and hitting Cmd-X is second nature.
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