You might be a redneck if there are more than ten lawsuits currently pending against your dog.
You might be a redneck if your 'huntin dog' cost more than the truck you drive him around in.
Your next SMS will probably be around longer, and remain more legible, than your tombstone. For, unlike your tombstone or even your mortal coil, your texts may be worth something.
You might be a redneck if your momma tore her best dress coon hunting.
You might be a redneck if you saved lots of money on your honeymoon by going deer hunting.
You might be a redneck if your grandfather completely executes the pull my finger trick at the family reunion.
You might be a redneck if your dog can't watch you eat without gagging.
You might be a redneck if your favorite T-shirt is offensive in thirteen states.
You might be a redneck if the dog catcher calls for a backup unit when he visits your house.
You might be a redneck if your favorite Christmas present was a painting on black velvet.
If you're afraid they might discover your redneck past, there are a hundred ways to cover your redneck past.
When we send our children to school, they learn nothing about us other than we used to be cotton pickers. Why, your grandfather was Nat Turner; your grandfather was Toussaint L'Ouverture; your grandfather was Hannibal. It was your grandfather's hands who forged civilization and it was your grandmother's hands who rocked the cradle of civilization. But the textbooks tell our children nothing.
Your cells are not working as hard as your dog's but harder than your horse's. The bigger the animal, the less energy needed to sustain a gram of tissue.
If you have more fish on your wall than pictures, you might be a redneck.
I love my hunting dog. I loved my hunting dog - I'm not very good at hunting.
You might be a redneck if it's easier to spray weed killer on your lawn than mow it.