A Quote by Jeff Garlin
I don't think I'm ever going to retire from stand-up, but what I have retired from is working the road every week.
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I think that technology is the best thing that ever happened to mankind. It's an absurd notion that somehow, 'My God, what are we going to do when driverless cars come along?' It's going to save lives on the road. And maybe, one day, we'll all be working four days a week and not five or six days a week.
The only negative about doing stand-up is that you're on the road by yourself. When you're on the road with comics we just crack each other up every night going, "Can you believe they're paying us to do this? They're crazy.
I'm not concerned about what [Donald Trump] says about me. That doesn't matter to me. I'm going to stand up for immigrants. I'm going to stand up for American Muslims who are working hard in this country that they love and consider their own. I'm going to stand up for other women. I'm going to stand up for the right to choose.
A lot of women do stand-up as a gateway into acting, but I love stand-up, and to be a good stand-up, you have to go on the road a lot. It means going to places in America where they've never seen a Vietnamese person in their life.
With stand-up you meet almost constant rejection. You put yourself out there with your thoughts and your ideas, and you think they're funny, and you hope other people think they're funny too. The only way you're going to find out is when you do it and what the reaction is going to be. So if you're not prepared for that, if you're not willing to go along with that, it's going to be a rough road. But beyond stand-up, in terms of auditioning for acting roles, you don't get most of the roles you audition for - you get a precious few.
The happiest people I know are the ones that are still working. The saddest are the ones who are retired. Very few performers retire on their own. It's usually because no one wants them. Six years ago Sinatra announced his retirement. He's still working.
Because we're playing tournaments week in and week out I'd think to myself, 'What's the point in practising?' You have no down time to yourself and you're looking for some to spend with your family and friends. But I've now realised that with the game so cut-throat and standards going up every week, it doesn't work.
When I'm not on T.V. or working on a movie, I'm on the road doing stand-up. That's my roots.
I think if you retire from touring then people think you are retired.
I think if you retire from touring, then people think you are retired.
I retired once but you've got to have something to retire to and I don't want to do anything. My job is like a well paid hobby, I mean not a hobby but I'm not lining up every morning at the bus queue to go to work. I'm very lucky.
I think that being on the road and doing more and more stand-up has allowed me to figure out... like, I don't think I'll ever be Bill Hicks, but I think I'm figuring out what my opinion is on things.
My wife asked me if I ever thought I would ever retire from stand-up. And I thought about it, and I was like, 'No, because it's my job; it's what I do, and I enjoy it.' It's still the most challenging thing for me to do.
You always study the players you go against. You try and stay ahead of it. Those guys are just too good to just show up on Sunday and think you're going to do well. Every week it seems like there's an all-star out there - to me, anyway. Every week is a rodeo. You just hope for the best.
Relationship is like a job but you can't ever retire. When you stop working at it, it stops working.
I don't think I could ever go skinny. I just don't think, physiologically, that is going to happen. I do eat healthily for a week, and then I go, 'Nah, they have these beautiful ice-cream sandwiches.' I don't think my emotional eating is ever going to change.
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