A Quote by Jenifer Lewis
I had been a hurricane all my life. And that was, of course, because I was bipolar and did not know it. And I was - you know, the mania took control. When you're on stage and when you're performing, you're heightened, and it's an extreme.
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I have never gone for a diagnosis and I don't consider myself to be bipolar, but I have extreme moods. I get heightened. I get very overexcited. But I do get very low, too... I don't know whether it's inherited or learned.
I just always wanted to study human behavior because every psychologist that I would talk to would tell me I was bipolar, and I know I'm not bipolar, so I had to perform a psychoanalysis on myself to find out that I have unresolved grief.
I'm a stage actor. You know, I was - I cut my teeth on stage, you know. So I've always had a love affair with the stage, first off, what I was raised in, you know.
although she went home that night feeling happier than she had ever been in her short life, she did not confuse the golf course party with a good party, and she did not tell herself she had a pleasant time. it had been, she felt, a dumb event preceded by excellent invitations. what frankie did that was unusual was to imagine herself in control. the drinks, the clothes, the instructions, the food (there had been none), the location, everything. she asked herself: if i were in charge, how could i have done it better?
I was crazy into performing when I was younger. I was obsessed with the craft of acting, and theatre, and stage. You know the term 'theatre geek?' I am the extreme theatre geek.
Where would the memoir be without bipolar writers? I mean, that's what - that whole oversharing thing is really a very clear symptom of bipolar disorder. And I'm not saying that every, you know, I'm not accusing every memoirist of being bipolar. But I think in a way it's kind of a gift.
The only thing I took advantage of at Extreme Rules was an opportunity to cash in my Money in the Bank contract, which I did successfully, well within the rules. You know, Jeff knows this, you know this, the fans know this: nowhere on that contract does it say, under any circumstances, 'Do not cash in on Jeff Hardy.'
It was a relief to get dropped which is sad in a way because you never want to miss a game. But I was not performing and mentally I got to a stage where I was not concentrating and did not want to be there. I was not enjoying walking out there and feeling like I didn't know where the next run was coming from.
I'm just so glad that I started acting when I did because I had this wealth of life experience. I don't know if I'd have been able to handle it had I gone out to L.A. at 22.
I don't know what would have happened to me as a writer if I had gone to England and shaped my life out of England. Of course, I will never know, but I think I prefer what did happen.
How did the Oscar change my life? What it did was that it gave me a new reality. And it let me know that an award wasn't going to change my life - that I had to be in control of changing my life.
I certainly was performing before my writing was published, because I was performing when I was very young. And the thing is I'm very comfortable on stage, so a large portion of my act did come from ad-libs.
I was in New York, miserable because I was working supper clubs but I wasn't expressing myself. I was really unhappy with my life. I saw Max Roach again and he told me I didn't have to do things like that. He made me an honest woman on the stage. I have been performing in that tradition since. I feel that I'm a serious performer now whereas then I wanted to be but I didn't know how.
I know this is insane, but i somehow wish i had been in auschwitz with my parents so i could really know what they lived through! I guess it's some kind of guilt about having had an easier life than they did.
I definitely love performing live because there are moments of spontaneity. And as much as you're performing on stage, I feel like the audience is performing, too.
I don't want to be caught ... ashamed of anything. And because generally someone who has bipolar doesn't have just bipolar, they have bipolar, and they have a life and a job and a kid and a hat and parents, so its not your overriding identity, it's just something that you have, but not the only thing - even if it's quite a big thing.
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