A Quote by Jim Gaffigan

The Pearly Gates. Am I the only one who finds it odd that Heaven has gates? What kind of neighborhood is Heaven in?

Jim Gaffigan

Quote Topics

Am Finds Gates Heaven Kind Neighborhood Odd Only Pearly Gates

Quote Author

Jim Gaffigan
American - Comedian
Born: July 7, 1966

If heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?

James Lipton

If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the pearly gates? Oh, you know something? I'm so far away from believing that it exists, and the only thing I know are jokes about it.

Donald Sutherland

Even a band of angels can turn ugly and start looting if enough angels are unemployed and hanging around the Pearly Gates convinced that all the succubi own all the liquor stores in Heaven.

P. J. O'Rourke

Really, just looking around, you feel a twinge of pity for the poor souls who succeeded in getting past the Pearly Gates. One can't help but picture the lackluster VIP lounge in Heaven, a kind of nonalcoholic ice-cream social starring Harriet Beecher Stowe and Mahatma Gandhi. Hardly anyone's idea of a "with-it" social register.

Chuck Palahniuk

The kings of terrors, the last enemy, will never be able to breach the pearly gates and disturb the bliss of heaven! No more deathbed vigils or funerals. The hearse will have made its last journey.

J. Oswald Sanders

It often occurs to me that if, against all odds, there is a judgmental God and heaven, it will come to pass that when the pearly gates open, those who had the valor to think for themselves will be escorted to the head of the line, garlanded, and given their own personal audience.

E. O. Wilson

If I deny the existence of a God - if I deny the idea of a gold paved city with pearly walls and jasper gates somewhere out of knowledge and space and prefer to die and to trust the unfaltering laws of nature - if, in plain words I don't want to go to heaven, whose business is it but my own?

Etta Semple

This is what I say to the most conservative person that's so terrified of gay marriage becoming legal. Just because the state says it's legal, it's not like God's going to let them into Heaven. So you can still sleep sound every night knowing that goal line defense is up at the pearly gates.

Daniel Tosh

Battering the gates of heaven with the storms of prayer.

Alfred Lord Tennyson

Clergyman: A ticket speculator outside the gates of Heaven.

H. L. Mencken

I love characters who are kind of haunted by their pasts, who struggle on despite their flaws, knowing that, at the end of the day, they're not going to shuffle off to those pearly gates.

Jason Aaron

In the gates of Heaven, the war medals are nothing but the evidences of murder!

Mehmet Murat Ildan

Then I saw that there was a way to hell, even from the gates of heaven.

John Bunyan

Love is the key to felicity, nor is there a heaven to any who love not. We enter Paradise through its gates only.

Amos Bronson Alcott

Hell and heaven are within you, both gates are within you. When you are behaving unconsciously there is the gate of hell; when you become alert and conscious, there is the gate of heaven.