A Quote by Jim Gaffigan
Oh. What if we eat a lot with people that annoy the hell out of us?
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Thanksgiving. It's like we didn't even try to come up with a tradition. The tradition is, we overeat. 'Hey, how about at Thanksgiving we just eat a lot?' 'But we do that every day!' 'Oh. What if we eat a lot with people that annoy the hell out of us?'
Why couldn't Jesus command us to obsess over everything, to try to control and manipulate people, to try not to breathe at all, or to pay attention, stomp away to brood when people annoy us, and then eat a big bag of Hershey's Kisses in bed?
I think the strangest thing probably is when I went to Japan, and I don't know what the hell I was eating, but there was this one thing that seemed to be in a lot of soups and things there - I always called it pond scum. It looked exactly like the green stuff that floats on top of a pond. I would say, "Oh my God, this has pond scum in it!" I would eat it, to be polite, because we were usually with Japanese people and I didn't want to gag or spit it out or anything. And I still don't know what it was.
It doesn't matter that Bush scares the hell out of me. What matters is that he scares the hell out of a lot of very important people in Washington who can't speak out, in the military, in the intelligence community.
People annoy me when they say, 'Oh, you made a fortune.'
When we win, I'm so happy I eat a lot. When we lose, I'm so depressed, I eat a lot. When we're rained out, I'm so disappointed I eat a lot.
Fear of carbs, of gluten, of everything - we've distanced ourselves from the beauty of food, the art of it. It makes me sad when people say, 'Oh, I don't eat gluten. I don't eat cheese. I don't eat this. So I eat cardboard.'
The purpose of religion is not so much to get us into heaven, or to keep us out of hell, but to put a little bit of heaven into us, and take the hell out of us. This has always been the greatest responsibility of religion.
Oh yeah, I don't eat a lot of candy on tour. When I get home, man, I love candy. Oh, man, and ice cream. I can't eat it on tour because of the sugar and my throat.
When the bread basket comes to the table and I have a bite, people are like, "Oh, you eat bread?" I say, "Oh, my God, of course I eat bread. I'm human."
I’m sure you gathered this by now: I just do what I want. Have I made out with chicks? Hell yeah. Did I think it was awesome? Hell yeah. I wouldn’t call myself bi. Like, if I didn’t eat meat for a week, it doesn’t make me a vegetarian. So I like people, and that’s just it. I like people.
Certainly Dracula did bring a hell of a lot of joy to a hell of a lot of women. And if this erotic quality hadn't come out we'd have been very disappointed.
William Regal once told us he people-watched when he was in the ring. He would see things that people would do. And if they annoyed him, chances are they would annoy someone else. A lot of times I'll just people watch when I'm traveling or at the airport or living everyday life.
It's hell with that big beard and stuff. That's the one bit I don't like. Either you take out at lunch or you don't eat. So I opted not to eat, 'cause having to put it on twice is horrific.
I often eat a lot of food when I eat and I eat maybe three or four times a day. I eat a good breakfast I have a protein shake or something between breakfast and my workout. After working out I have a shake and then eat lunch.
I find a lot of people say, “Oh organic and local’s expensive and I just don’t have time.” And I’m like, well how much TV do you watch? Where are your priorities right now? I always take the time to eat well and eat locally because it’s common sense.
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