A Quote by Jim Gaffigan

You know what it's like having five kids? Imagine you're drowning. And someone hands you a baby.

Jim Gaffigan

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Baby Drowning Five Hands Having Imagine Kids Know Like Someone

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Jim Gaffigan
American - Comedian
Born: July 7, 1966

Imagine you're drowning, and someone hands you a baby.

Jim Gaffigan

I think of the chimp, the one with the talking hands. In the course of the experiment, that chimp had a baby. Imagine how her trainers must have thrilled when the mother, without prompting, began to sign her newborn. Baby, drink milk. Baby, play ball. And when the baby died, the mother stood over the body, her wrinkled hands moving with animal grace, forming again and again the words: Baby, come hug, Baby come hug, fluent now in the language of grief.

Amy Hempel

I get this a lot: 'Oh, can you take a picture with my baby? Can you hold the baby?' I don't want to hold your baby! I'll hold my baby. I don't like holding someone else's baby. I'm serious! You never know what could happen. It's such an awkward position you're put in, and it's like, 'No, sorry.'

Juan Pablo Montoya

I am a mother and I know the feeling of having a baby come out of my gut. I have a baby and then you send him off to war. No wonder the kids rebel and take pot.

Eartha Kitt

Someone told me that having a baby is like having your heart walking around outside of your body, and I didn't understand it until I had a baby. Now, like, everything he does literally crushes my heart. In a great way. And then if he's in pain, it's like my whole endeavor is to make sure he's not in pain.

Elizabeth Banks

When everything kind of hit the fan, my dad married Jo Anne, and suddenly there were five kids from the Ripleys and five kids from the Doughertys. Then my dad and Joanne had a baby. I usually have to make a diagram.

Alice Ripley

Having a baby, it's like a five year commitment.

Chelsea Handler

If you don't have an idea, you can defer to someone else. It's like having a baby with someone - it's not a clone of you, but it's partly you.

D.A. Wallach

It seems that the Internet is setting the standard for almost everything. I can't imagine having something like punk rock happen where an entire culture is doing one thing. It's not like all the kids in England are discovering the Stooges and the Ramones at the same time. All the kids in England are discovering every band that has ever existed. I can't imagine there being one huge cultural moment like there was in the past. Everything ends up being kind of postmodern.

Memory Tapes

They call it the drowning instinct. It's when drowning doesn't look like drowning. (pg. 241)

Ilsa J. Bick

My first job was baby-sitting. I had a great time because I love kids. Sometimes, when I'm having a bad day, I'm like: "Oh, you know what? I'm going to chuck it in and become a kindergarten teacher!"

Anne Hathaway

I was watching Animal Planet. Did you know that the male seahorse has the baby? And I was thinking, "Why don't they just call that the female seahorse?" You know it's just some stubborn scientist. "Yeah, that one there's the male seahorse." And his assistant's like, "Uh, Bill, that one's having a baby." ... "The male has the baby. You're fired."

Jim Gaffigan

I plan on having, like, five kids.

Jalen Ramsey

I always wanted to be married for a little while before a baby. You know what? It does make me choose my wardrobe differently because if I wear something a little baggy, I'm like, "No, it looks like I'm having a baby!"

Carrie Underwood

There are too many kids who are drowning for lack of water safety. That's something I'd like to do. Teaching kids to live an active lifestyle.

Michael Phelps

I'm fortunate to have a baby girl who's super into everything that I say and do and really cooperative and just fun to be around. I couldn't imagine having a rebellious kid like me.

Machine Gun Kelly

A Quote by Jim Gaffigan

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