A Quote by Jimmy Carr
Recently my girlfriend asked me if I was having sex behind her back and I replied, "Yes, who did you think it was?"
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While I do not have a boyfriend, I do have a friend who is homosexual and I once asked him "Do you ever think about having sex with me because you are gay?" to which he replied "Do you ever think about having sex with Rosie O'Donnell because you are straight? Same thing.
When asked if they would like to have sex with me, 30 per cent said, “Yes”, while the other 70 per cent replied, “What, again?”
I recently did a reading at an elementary school in Ottawa, and one of the children asked me if I was a girl. I said yes. Another child commented that I had a deep voice. I responded: "Can girls have deep voices?" There was a pause and then the group responded, "Yes!"
Recently a young mother asked for advice. What, she wanted to know, was she to do with a 7-year-old who was obstreperous, outspoken, and inconveniently willful? "Keep her," I replied.... The suffragettes refused to be polite in demanding what they wanted or grateful for getting what they deserved. Works for me.
A friend of mine once earnestly said to his girlfriend, 'You look so pretty tonight,' and she replied, 'You're such a dork.' Her deflection was a total turn-off. It didn't make him feel attractive, nor did it encourage him to keep complimenting her.
I tell ya, sex is getting harder all the time. Me and my wife were trying to have sex for hours last night and I finally gave up. I asked her, "what, you can't think of anybody either?"
How does it feel, anyway?" How does what feel?" When you take one of those books?" At that moment, she chose to keep still. If he wants an answer, he'd have to come back, and he did. "Well?" he asked, but again, it was the boy who replied, before Liesel could even open her mouth. It feels good, doesn't it? To steal something back.
I was in the Vancouver airport, and I was speaking with a young girl. She asked if I was Freddie Prinze Jr., and I said I was. She kind of giggled, and while I was talking with her, her girlfriend ran up and took my sandwich. I did not call out after her.
I just got asked by another journalist 'Are you a feminist?' and I was just like... Is there a strange thing at the moment where you have to come out as a feminist? I've been asked if I'm a feminist so many times recently, and I'm just like 'Yes, yes, for God's sake, yes! Is there something that I give off that says I'm not?'
My girlfriend asked me if I only love her for her body. I said no, baby. Just parts of it.
And then I asked him with my eyes to ask again yes and then he asked me would I yes and his heart was going like mad and yes I said yes I will yes.
I think your girlfriends getting Jealous," Luce said, gesturing at the pair. "Which one?" He asked. "I didn't realise they were both your girlfriends." "Neither is my girlfriend. I meant, which one did you think was my girlfriend?
Cam held her closer. "Marry me, Amelia. You're what I want. You're my fate." One hand slid to the back of her head, gripping the braids and ribbons to keep her mouth upturned. "Say yes." He nibbled at her lips, licked at them, opened them. He kissed her until she writhed in his arms, her pulse racing. "Say it, Amelia, and save me from ever having to spend a night with another woman. I'll sleep indoors. I'll get a haircut. God help me, I think I'd even carry a pocket watch if it pleased you.
I miss 'EastEnders.' I loved it. But I was exhausted when I left. They asked me to go back recently - they've asked a few times. I am tempted! But my husband Scott says you have to really think about it. Because, towards the end, I was so exhausted and not sleeping at night. I'm not quite ready for it.
Then I asked her if she wanted to to the funeral, and my God, the look on her face. You'd think I'd asked her to drown the neighbor's cat." Admittedly, drowning the neighbor's cat didn't really clue me in as much as I would've liked. "So, she was angry?" He blinked back to me and stared. Like a long time.
A Zen student asked his roshi the most important element of Zen.The roshi replied, "Attention." "Yes, thank you," the student replied. "But can you tell me the second most important element?"And the roshi replied, "Attention."
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