A Quote by John Hodgman

I know electric knives are excellent for carving turkeys that have had their bones removed and been forced into a mold to shape them. Please note that those turkeys are called hams.

John Hodgman

Quote Topics

Been Bones Carving Electric Excellent Forced Had Knives Know Mold Note Please Shape Them Those Turkeys

Quote Author

John Hodgman
American - Comedian
Born: June 3, 1971

I hate turkeys. If you go to the grocery store, you start to get mad at turkeys. You see turkey ham, turkey bologna, turkey pastrami. Somebody just needs to tell the turkeys, "Man, just be yourselves!" I already like you, little fella. I used to draw you. If you had a couple of fingers missing, you would draw a really messed-up turkey. That turkey was in an accident!

Mitch Hedberg

The turkeys that most Americans eat for Thanksgiving are turkeys - losers that are mass produced and bland.

Marian Burros

Turkeys are misunderstood. Once I adopted turkeys, I understood this large bird to be a great companion.

Linda Blair

Grain that is used to feed animals that end up on our tables as turkeys and hams could have gone to feed starving people.

Peter Singer

Thanksgiving Day - Let all give humble, hearty, and sincere thanks, now, but the turkeys. In the island of Fiji they do not use turkeys, they use plumbers. It does not become you and me to sneer at Fiji.

Mark Twain

I hate turkeys. If you stand in the meat section at the grocery store long enough, you start to get mad at turkeys. There's turkey ham, turkey bologna, turkey pastrami. Some one needs to tell the turkey, 'man, just be yourself.'

Mitch Hedberg

I didn't know who she was, but I knew she was hungry, so I started handing out $100 bills and called the office and told them to bring me a bunch more. Then I had my cousin's store deliver a bunch of smoked ham and turkeys. I mean, these people are hungry and living under a bridge.

Joe Jamail

There are many ways of giving thanks. Eating turkeys doesn't have to be one of them.

Corey Feldman

Do you realize that if the pilgrims have been chasing bobcats instead of turkeys.. we'd all be eating pussy on Thanksgiving?!

Redd Foxx

Turkeys know their names, come when you call, and are totally affectionate. They're better than teenagers.

Elayne Boosler

I know that there are some people who are perpetually negative. I sincerely believe that if you want to fly with the eagles you cannot afford to walk with the turkeys. I will walk away from those people when they start to attack the vision.

Phil Pringle

The pilgrims were kicked out of England, quarreled with the Dutch, alienated the Indians, and had an evil reputation among the turkeys.

Dave Beard

When in Turkey, do as the turkeys do.

Honore de Balzac

Seriously, many people have told me they can't eat turkeys anymore after getting to know them. I think in the wider world, when the stories air on the media, they help banish the idea that birds, other than parrots, are somehow lesser.

Karen Dawn

We live on a farm and we've never been happier, living in the country and pootling about. We keep chickens, turkeys and pigs, and I grow veg - it's perfect.