A Quote by John Malkovich
I think probably when I was little, after my brother turned on me, I just had to play by myself or with myself. I've always done that. I think either it's some kind of weirdly competitive streak or it takes my mind off whatever's bothering me.
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I think it's the opportunity to continue breaking records, either set by other people or by myself. I think that's what pushes me to always make the most of myself and be very demanding on myself.
But the humans weren't what made my steps falter as I walked through grass that had turned bright green with summer's touch. It was Dimitri. Always Dimitri. Dimitri, the man I loved. Dimitri, the Strigoi I wanted to save. Dimitri, the monster I'd most likely have to kill. The love we'd shared always burned within me, no matter how often I told myself to move on, no matter how much the world did think I'd move on. He was always with me, always on my mind, always making me question myself.
It was not hard for me to find guidance and motivation. I'm very blessed, and my parents were always so supportive of myself and my brother. Whatever you wanted to do, you just had to give 110 percent. So whatever that was, they supported it.
Oh, I had, 'No one will ever fancy me!' I had that well into my teens. Even now I do not consider myself to be some kind of great, sexy beauty. I don't mind the way I'm ageing. No reason to panic just yet. I think I look my age, and that's fine.
I think I'm just competitive and I demand a lot from myself. So I get frustrated if something hasn't come off for me or if a game is going against it. I like to think I channel it in the right way and do my best for the team.
After my second-to-last record, 'The Greatest', I had gone on tour for a while, and I didn't play an instrument for about five years. And I got kind of - it's not self-esteem or whatever, or anger toward myself - but disappointed in myself that I hadn't been challenging myself to learn musically.
[Sometimes] I will go through periods where I will think 'Oh maybe I should do a commercial movie' and then I just think, someone gave me a really great piece of advice, someone from my agency weirdly, they said the only clients that are happy are the ones that just do what they want to do. So I just kind of do everything for myself.
After my second-to-last record called "The Greatest," I had gone on tour for a while and I didn't play an instrument for about five years. And I got kind of - it's not self-esteem or whatever, not anger towards myself - but disappointed in myself that I hadn't been challenging myself to learn musically.
Career-wise, there are so many things where you don't get what you think you want. I've had to make space for, 'Do I let that debilitate me and make me feel bad about myself? And make me feel like I need to change myself in some way?' Because I think changing myself is very different from growing and learning.
I think I'm true to myself - you hear that actors have like plans. I'm gonna do this type of movie, then I'm gonna play this kind of character, and that'll get me from A to B. I've never done that. I honestly just follow my gut and I don't think you can go wrong with that.
It took Sydney Pollack a long time to get me to do Tootsie. I asked myself if I wanted to play some frothy, ditzy character after I had just done Frances. Obviously, I'm thrilled that I did.
So - here I am in the dark alone, There's nobody here to see; I think to myself, I play to myself, And nobody knows what I say to myself; Here I am in the dark alone, What is it going to be? I can think whatever I like to think, I can play whatever I like to play, I can laugh whatever I like to laugh, There's nobody here but me.
I try to push myself a little every day. For me, it's doing 10 more seconds of whatever I'm working on. So if I'm on the treadmill sprinting my butt off or doing a grueling core workout, I think to myself, 'You can do 10 more seconds, and you'll be that much mentally stronger.' After a while, those 10 seconds add up!
I've always just simply seen myself as an actor. And I believe that it serves me well to just think in terms of my craft. If hypothetically, I saw myself only as a sex symbol, or as some other limited stereotype, I think I would feel like a complete failure.
I didn't understand at the time why Vince was so interested in teaching me life lessons when all I was trying to do was get my video played. But now I think it's because he saw a little bit of himself in me. Just like me, he was a rebel who listened to no one and did whatever it took to get the job done, pissing people off with his stubbornness and drive in the process. Therefore, he was trying to teach me how to better myself instead of repeatedly getting into trouble by rubbing people the wrong way.
When I play the clarinet, I am 100 percent myself. It is as if it is part of my body. I can play whatever I think. Let me just read a melody and make it as sweet as I can.
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