A Quote by John Starks
I had a lot of maturing I had to go through. I consider myself a smart individual in seeing that this is not the road I want to take.
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I've been fortunate to have had the life I had prior to Hollywood. I wasn't starving, I was going to eat the next day. I came to Hollywood wanting a career that had longevity, and I wasn't afraid to take risks because I had a dollar in the bank. I wasn't driven by money as much as I was driven by making a successful transition. And I was smart enough to know that I certainly didn't have all the answers and I needed to surround myself with smart people and be willing to take risks and be willing to fail.
I really consider myself very fortunate over the years to have the experiences that I had and to be able to come out on top tonight means the world. It's been a long road and it's a lot of hard.
When you are a rookie you are going through everything for the first time, your first DNP, your first not seeing eye to eye with a coach, first understanding trades happen, guys making more money play more. I was overwhelmed. I had a lot of maturing to do.
I went through the natural process that most actors go through. I brought myself out here, had an audition on a Wednesday; then had a call-back on Thursday, had a call-back on Friday and I had it by Friday afternoon.
I've been through a lot and played for a long time, so I can understand what others will go through. That's why I want to help them out. There are a lot of players who go to Belgium, for example, and have had terrible experiences. I know players, and they have come to me.
I went to WWE to prove something. I had to go through Steve Austin, the Undertaker, Edge; I had to go through all of those guys to prove myself.
I have to go with the approach I had in Triple-A. I need to take a lot of those fastballs I am seeing to left field. Also must gear up for the changeup and take them up the middle.
I was on a couple of scholarships. I had a job in the school administrative office. I had a job as a hat-check boy in a restaurant. I had another job as an assistant to a casting director. It took a lot to get myself enough money to put myself through Juilliard.
And I don't regret the rain
Or the nights I felt the pain
Or the tears I had to cry
Some of those times along the way.
Every road I had to take,
Every time my heart would break,
It was just something that I had to get through,
To get me to you.
One of my superstitions had always been when I started to go anywhere or do anything, not to turn back, or stop until the thing intended was accomplished. I have frequently started to go places where I had never been and to which I did not know the way, depending upon making inquiries on the road, and if I got past the place without knowing it, instead of turning back, I would go until a road was found turning in the right direction, take that, and come in by the other side.
When you go into the whole realm of creating your own music and seeing the project through, it's increasingly difficult because nowadays a lot of people are making music all on their own - the individual instead of the band. And when you have such a solid vision and you spend so much time working on one idea and allowing it to manifest in your mind through a record, and then you have to go and find people to help you see it through live, it gets really overwhelming, to have to project and really clearly state what you're trying to do and how you want them to do it.
A lot of the problems I had with fame I was bringing on myself. A lot of self-loathing, a lot of woe-is-me. Now I'm learning to see the positive side of things, instead of, like, 'I can't go to Kmart. I can't take my kids to the haunted house.'
There's all these people involved, and it becomes this huge machine - it stops being just me making my own little songs for myself, or for the world. And it's hard to stop the machine. If you want to take time to write a record, they're like, "OK, tour through March, April, and June, then you can take a few weeks off to record in July before getting back on the road for the European festival circuit." After a while, I had to put my foot down.
We've had to pay to play. We've had to borrow kit. We've had to train on a Friday night. Maybe a lot of boys, given that opportunity, would slip away, whereas we've had the mentality to go, 'I really want this. I'm going to show that I can do this.'
Ruthven surmised that he had hit upon some of the central deceptions which had wrecked him and reduced him and so many of his colleagues to this condition. To surmise was not to conquer, of course; he was as helpless as ever but there was a dim liberation in seeing how he had been lied to, and he felt that at least he could take one thing from the terrible years through which he had come: he was free of self-delusion.
I was a very introverted individual and this became an important outlet for me to express myself, to communicate, to take positions, make statements, take a stand and so forth. But I never really thought I had much a future at all So the thing that I had to do was to really go inward and really work super hard in the hope that someday it would pay off. And in using that term I don't mean necessarily money, but just the fact that I would have more depth and dimension both as a human being and as an artist.
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