A Quote by Josh Beckett
I just don't see me going through that rehab and coming back to pitch at this point in my life.
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I talk to people who go to rehab, and they get this AA book that they've got to read everyday - really thick book. They go through all these 12 steps and do all this and that. It's crazy how everybody can sit and talk about rehab but if I come to say Christ was my rehab, it's not cool to say that. ... For me that's my rehab. That's what happened with me and it's an amazing and powerful thing.
I thank God that I became addicted to pain pills, because the process of going through rehab taught me more about myself than I had ever known. I wish I would have learned what I learned about myself I learned in rehab, going through life. You know, we're all raised to be loved. We care about what other people think of us, and sometimes to our detriment we let feedback and the opinions of others shape our own self-image. I was guilty of that, too. But in my professional life, I had mastered it. I didn't care what the critics said.
You're going to feel good. But no matter how much you rehab you do, you can't speed up the healing process. I would rather see a guy come back in 14 months and pitch seven, eight or nine more years then come back in 10 months and get hurt again. You cannot mess with mother nature and father time. Nature will heal it if you give it time.
Actually when I was wounded and recovering in Japan. I went to church there and I remember on the air base where their hospital was, I remember coming out of that church and feeling like I had been - at that point I just felt very, very close to God and that I'd done the right thing with my life. And I knew I wasn't going back to Vietnam. I just knew I wasn't going back.
Whatever life lesson I'm going through at any point in my life, projects just somehow magically appear that help me work through it.
You see, in our family we don't know whether we're coming or going - it's all my grandmother's fault. But, of course, the fault wasn't hers at all: it lay in language. Every language assumes a centrality, a fixed and settled point to go away from and come back to, and what my grandmother was looking for was a word for a journey which was not a coming or a going at all; a journey that was a search for precisely that fixed point which permits the proper use of verbs of movement.
Having the brain tumor, coming out of surgery and going through all of that, you're like, I am never going to feel the same and I have this new perspective on life. So much gratitude, life just feels like this enormous treasure. Then that kind of just falls away and you're back being grumpy about having an early morning meeting.
We all have unfair situations and things we don't like. You can get bitter, discouraged and sour, or you can see it as fertilizer and say, “ This difficulty is not going to defeat me; it's going to promote me. It's not going to hinder me; it's going to help me.” Don't just go through it, grow through it.
I had two experiences. I had a wonderful experience in rehab, and I had a terrible experience in rehab. But, to be honest, in the end, it wasn't rehab that got me sober. It was just finally surrendering and saying, 'I don't want to do this anymore. I can't do this anymore. Somebody help me.'
After I got out of the military, I was going to college and doing everything I was supposed to do, but I was completely numb of any emotions. I remember telling my mom, "I don't want to be like this, for the rest of my life." The military enabled me to turn off my emotions, for obvious reasons. That's why we have so many guys coming back who are going through so much. They just can't reconnect.
There is stuff going on inside me. But I have always been told to go out there and pitch like you can't tell if you just struck somebody out or just gave up a home run. If something bad happens, I don't dwell on it. Just give me the ball and let me pitch.
Getting my curveball back and finding another pitch just helped me figure out how to pitch.
We didn't have rehab back in the Seventies. Back in the Seventies, rehab meant you stopped doing coke, but you kept smoking pot and drinking for a couple more weeks.
A couple years ago I was going to back off and actually thought about retiring, but it keeps calling me back, and I'm going to keep going back as long as it calls me. I really think it has something to do with the good vibes that I feel I've spread through my performance and through the time that I've spent with fans.
It's going to be a busy meet for me, I knew that coming in, so I'm just trying to go through all my recovery strategies. Just forget about the last race and move onto the next. Hopefully I swam fast enough to get in, but we'll see.
It's like coming back to the womb. I'm coming back to my mum and it's wonderful to see her. It's the best space in the world. If it wasn't for this place I don't know what I'd have done with my life.
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