A Quote by Josh Tillman
J. Tillman was kind of an alter ego. There was a lot I didn't want people to know about my real life. With Father John Misty, I leave everything in: so much so that I lose sleep before these albums come out because there is always a line or two in there where I'm just like, 'This is not going to go down very well.'
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Hazel had read enough books to know that a line like this one is the line down which your life breaks in two. And you have to think very carefully about whether you want to cross it, because once you do it’s very hard to get back to the world you left behind. And sometimes you break a barrier that no one knew existed, and then everything you knew before crossing the line is gone. But sometimes you have a friend to rescue. And so you take a deep breath and then step over the line and into the darkness ahead.
I think about death a lot, I really do, because I can't believe I won't exist. It's the ego isn't it? I feel that I should retreat into a better form of Zen Buddhism than this kind of ego-dominated thing. But I don't know, I mean, I want to come back as a tree but I suspect that it's just not going to happen, is it?
I just want my hometown talking about where I'm going - like, 'He's killin' it right now,' and, 'I'm so glad he's doin' well,' and I want them to know I'll always come back, every chance I get. I'm not one of those people who'll just leave.
Kids always act up the most before they go to sleep. And when I see the Tea Party and all this stuff, it actually feels like racism’s almost over. Because this is the last - this is the act up before the sleep. They’re going crazy. They’re insane. You want to get rid of them - and the next thing you know, they’re fucking knocked out. And that’s what’s going on in the country right now.
When I'm on purpose - when I'm allowing Source to come through - it's always there. At those times, I'm not focused on any ego sense about how much I'm going to make, how well a book is going to do, whether people are going to buy it, or any of that. I just go to a state of awe and gratitude - I'm deeply, profoundly grateful - and it just works. The first words out of my mouth every morning are "I thank you."
I always find it kind of more interesting when people ask questions like, "What were you like as a kid?" Or just kind of personal history stuff, like, "What was the lowest point of your life?" Because that would be like, "Huh, well, I'd have to think about that one." And then give an honest answer. I think a lot of people don't want to give honest answers, or they just are in business showbiz mode when they're talking about stuff, so that's probably why a lot of that kind of thing doesn't get asked.
I loved the idea that I had an alter-ego but that my true identity was very well known and very much on the surface. I was the only one who didn't know who Stardust really was. So it was very much tied to comics - everything I've done. I did a whole run where I'd wear a face mask when I was on SmackDown, and that was based on Dr. Doom.
I think I'm great. I mean, I might as well come out and say it. Like most people, I have an ego and I'm in show business, so you have to have kind of a healthy, conflagrated ego to a degree. On the other hand, I'm consumed, like a lot of people, with self-doubt and loathing and guilt.
I've always been on the outside of all that political stuff so I just sort of watch it and I'm appalled and I think people should be screaming about a lot of things right now and they're not. They're just letting everything happen. I don't know. At some point the wheels are going to come off and we're going to have a real problem. The people are going to get angry and it's going to be too late.
You're always striving for a place of Zen. Or a flow state, where you kind of transcend reality and you go to the other place. It's when everything is in sync, and everyone is connecting with one another. Everything is going perfectly. You lose yourself. It's the ultimate form of meditation where it's an out - of - body experience. Afterward you come back to Earth and you're like, 'What just happened? We just did something awesome!' It's this energy in the room when you know you're nailing it and you know everyone else is feeling it too. That's why theater is so awesome.
It's hard to balance all my projects because you don't really get to see a lot of family and friends. You have to sacrifice your social life and also a lot of sleep. You have to learn how to sleep off no sleep. It's like, what do you want in life? I always ask myself that. "What do you want to do when you're 40?" I don't want to work forever when I'm 40. I want to just be able to chill when I'm old. It's always been a dream of mine to have kids and make sure that they're all right.
The public interest always surprises me. I come to work in these rooms with no windows. At night I go home. I just live my life. I guess I just don't think much about whether people are going to watch. Most of my friends don't know much about what I do, and we don't talk about it. I have a different life away from work. Which is fine, because my work can get pretty intense.
When guys come over to date my daughter, I'm going to tell them, 'I want you to go out and have a very good time with my daughter. I want you to enjoy yourself and have her home on time. If you abuse her in any way, I'm going to kill your mother and father, cut your back open, pull out your spine, and leave you in a wheelchair so you can think about what you did for the rest of your life. Now, go out and have a good time!'
In America they like my spicy TV alter ego, probably because there were a lot of Italians and Hispanics in the country, but the real L.A. life is a hard-working one.
When I go onstage, I don't know what I'm going to say. I don't know what's going to come out of my mouth. It's one of those questions where any and everything is possible. I literally could be talking about somebody I was hanging out with two seconds ago or something from the news. Literally, there's really no rhyme or reason for it. I want to be free flowing like that.
I became a master of disguise and could play the straight man down to a tee, sometimes over-compensating by getting into fights or being overly aggressive because I didn't want the real me to be found out. So I created this alter ego, knowing full well that I was living in my little fantasy bubble, my shell.
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