A Quote by Kehlani
I was out of the house at 16 by my own doing. It forced me to really grow up and take care of myself, and I learned a lot of things that your parents usually teach you, on my own.
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I didn't grow up in a regular upbringing. I ended up at my grandmother's house past a certain age, so I took care of things myself. I moved out of home when I was 16.
One of the things that my parents have taught me is never listen to other people's expectations. You should live your own life and live up to your own expectations, and those are the only things I really care about it.
Working in the old fashion house is like how your parents raise you and give you this base, and you eventually grow up and have to say, "Well, you gave me this, but now I need to go my own way." So, more than finding a balance, it's about taking the good parts of what you've been given and bringing your own thing to it in order to take it all somewhere else - and hopefully, forward.
I remember my parents yelling at each other and at me from an early age, and I remember a lot of things smashing. I try to look for the happy memories from the brief time my parents were married, and I can't really recall that. From the start things were messed up, and I just kept moving through the years and trying to pick out the little bits of evidence that would help me prove to myself that it wasn't my doing. But it took finding out somebody really does love me, who's not my parents or a relative, to really know that I was loveable.
An actor equals, sometimes, an entitled baby. People take care of things for me, and they pay greater attention to things than I was ever capable of doing. But in the last few years, I have learned a great deal more about taking care of things. I pay my own bills now.
Well to me growing, up I've had my own psychological war with my parents dying at such a young age. My mother was killed by a drunk driver, then two months later my father drowned. He was out with his friends drinking and on medication for depression, and he didn't come out of the water alive. Growing up with sexual abuse and having to be in gangs and dealing with my own trauma; finding the cultural identity when I was 16, and learning those traditional ways saved me from hurting myself.
My parents support and trust me a lot. They know I would never do anything that will be wrong for me and even if it is, they know I would be smart enough to own up and take a stand for myself, be responsible with what I'm doing.
I did one year of school and I was doing correspondence school, which was actually another happy accident. Correspondence school is basically home school, but you teach yourself instead of your parents teaching you. I found that to be one of the most important things in my life is that I learned how to teach myself things. I feel like that's something that schools should actually teach.
So I had to figure out for myself what was right and true. It was a search. It was a process. It drew on the moral sense that I'd learned from my parents, and in church, and in my own heart, and led me on my own journey of discovery.
When AIDS hit, lots of people banded together to take care of each other and do what the government wasn't doing. When you grow up Jewish, as I have, you learn that everybody hates you, no one's going to help you, and you have to take care of yourself. That's a great maxim to the gay community, and we took it to heart; we took care of our own.
I just do what I got to do and go out and be myself, on and off the court, and take care of my obligations. That's generally your own destiny-knowing what you have to take care of.
Having my parents be divorced, you're forced to realize, "Sooner or later I'm going to be on my own and have to figure it out." I have so many brothers that are younger than me, so I have to have that mindset of, "Okay, what am I going to do now?" I have to show them what growing up is - it's not me living at dad's house until I'm 25.
The things I really learned, I learned from watching my parents. They take care of business. Always have.
Stanford opened up a whole different perspective for me. I learned how to take my own passions and apply them to so many different topics, to open up the way I saw things and own the things that made me unique.
I know from my own experience as a parent that parents probably teach most powerfully not through their words but through their deeds. And my parents taught me through the stories of their lives. And I don't take any credit for the things that they did or the things that they experienced, but they made a great impression on me.
It was important to me and, I think, important to my parents that I be on my own and figure things out on my own and kind of forge my own path, and I'm really grateful for that.
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