A Quote by Laura Wasser
I do think that it's important to understand what each person has coming into the relationship, and what each person expects from the relationship. I find it so interesting that so many people rush into the commitment of marriage, which is a legal contract, without knowing anything about what the expectations of the other person are, and they've not explained or articulated their expectations of the other person.
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If some people try to make a prenup into a pre-negotiation of a divorce... Well, that's really sad. But I do think that it's important to understand what each person has coming into the relationship, and what each person expects from the relationship. They aren't always fun discussions to have, and they can be very eye-opening.
The problem of unmet expectations in marriage is primarily a problem of stereotyping. Each and every human being on this planet is a unique person. Since marriage is inevitably a relationship between two unique people, no one marriage is going to be exactly like any other. Yet we tend to wed with explicit visions of what a “good” marriage ought to be like. Then we suffer enormously from trying to force the relationship to fit the stereotype and from the neurotic guilt and anger we experience when we fail to pull it off.
People get married for a wide array of reasons and have all sorts of expectations of how marriage will change the relationship. And while it's true that turning the person you're dating into a legal partner does affect certain things, those who expect marriage to be a cure-all for all your relationship woes are sorely mistaken.
Whenever I travel to a poor country, I try to help at least one person. Usually, that person helps me just as much - I can find a local poor person to be my guide or my interpreter. That person makes money from me, I make money from him or her, we both learn about each other. It's an equal win-win relationship.
Problems in relationship occur because each person is concentrating on what is missing in the other person.
Well, what is a relationship? It's about two people having tremendous weaknesses and vulnerabilities, like we all do, and one person being able to strengthen the other in their areas of vulnerability, and vice versa. You need each other. You complete each other, passion and romance aside.
The artist-muse relationship is romantic and passionate, and complex, and I would imagine that would be a hard relationship to have if you're not with the person. It requires so much of each other, you have to be in love with each other.
I think that when somebody, when people really have a connection with each other, they change each other. You become a different person, hopefully a better person, because of it.
My vision of a real humanity is of pure individuals relating to each other, but not tied in any relationship. They will be loving to each other, but not being possessive of each other. They will be sharing with each other all their joys and all their blessings, but never even in their dreams thinking of dominating, thinking of enslaving the other person.
And I think if you look at any relationship, for the relationship to be productive and to move forward and to grow, sometimes things have to be said that one person or the other person is not going to like to hear.
It's a good marriage because each of us is what we are, allows the other one to be themselves, and appreciates each other for the right reason. You know, it's rare that you'll find two people who don't try to change the other person and let everyone be what they are.
This is a lesson about life: This is one person. This is another person. This is one person trying to understand another person, even though it doesn't have room to download the other person into it's brain. It cannot understand the other person, even though it tries to. So he ends up overflowing with knowledge.
We can use the romantic relationship as a microcosmic example. Until you really understand the other person and where they're coming from and you understand yourself and how you contribute to things, you can never make that relationship better. And I think sometimes people don't understand how much these things are related.
When two people in a marriage are more concerned about getting the golden eggs, the benefits, than they are in preserving the relationship that makes them possible, they often become insensitive and inconsiderate, neglecting the little kindnesses and courtesies so important to a deep relationship. They begin to use control levers to manipulate each other, to focus on their own needs, to justify their own position and look for evidence to show the wrongness of the other person. The love, the richness, the softness and spontaneity begin to deteriorate.
A relationship is an imaginative act, it's an act of creation. Someone said to me the other day that a relationship between a person and a kid is unconditional; but the relationship between adults, to each other, is conditional, in a sense. But that condition can be the best kind.
If either person isn't 100% committed to scale every mountain that comes before you to make your relationship work then you aren't ready to enter into it. That's part of the reason the divorce rate is so high. People are entering into the commitment they're making without having the strength of character, fortitude, and resolve to keep the promises they're making to each other and also to God. God cares VERY MUCH that we keep our marital promises -He enters into the marriage with you whenever you marry so your promises aren't only to each other but also to Him.
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