A Quote by Laurie Faria Stolarz
Sounds like you've got it all planned out." "Honey, I've got more plans than Wes has ugly shoes." "And that's a lot." I laugh. "It sure is," she says with a sigh.
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So, my sweetheart back home writes to me and wants to know what this gal in Bombay's got that she hasn't got. So I just write back to her and says, Nothin', honey. Only she's got it here.
It sounds quite mad, but once I've got a show up and running, walking out on stage is the easiest part of my day. All I've got to do is talk until they laugh and then I stop, let them laugh and talk. It's a bit like meditation really.
I can't predict if I will see a woman president, but I think I may well because, again, Hillary Clinton got more votes probably than any other Democratic candidate ever, except for Obama. But she got more votes than Trump and she got more votes than Richard Nixon got when he won the election, more votes than John Kennedy got when he won.
It makes me laugh when she says she [Salma Hayek] got offered Selena, which was an outright lie. If that's what she does to get herself publicity than that's her thing.
I've had a lot of friends in the business that got out earlier than normal. They tell me they got out too early and that I should make sure I've got all I want before I step aside. When I do get out, there are other things that I want to do with my life.
After a long, labored sigh, I said, “She was really happy when I got there. I’m pretty sure she was suicidal when I left.” “You do have that effect on people.
She'll really tell me [what she thinks]. Like today I'm wearing brown suede pants, and she said, 'I don't like your pants.' But then she'll say, `You've got to wear these shoes.' Or 'That's so pretty, Mom. Wear that.' She's got a great eye.
One of the reasons I wanted to come back is I got sick of seeing really ugly pictures of myself in the tabloids. I got to the point where I'd look in the mirror and say: "Where'd she go? Because she's still in there." I knew she was still in there (she laughs) and it didn't take much to get her out.
I remember just watching how hard my mom worked. She made sure we had food on the table and that we got gifts. Every time I got a new pair of shoes I felt so grateful, man.
Tobin," Mom said disapprovingly. She wasn't a particularly funny person. It suited her professionally - I mean, you don't want your cancer surgeon to walk into the examination room and be like, "Guy walks into a bar. Bartender says, 'What'll ya have?' And the guy says, 'Whaddya got?' And the bartender says, 'I don't know what I got, but I know what you got: Stage IV melanoma.
My parents always got a kick out of my art. I was always able to make them laugh. As I got older, I remember the thrill I got when I graduated from making my classmates laugh to making adults laugh. Kind of a watershed moment.
I really like Roberto Cavalli shoes so, I buy a lot of them. I have more gym shoes than formal shoes because I train a lot.
He got me a cup of tea with honey, toast with honey, yogurt with honey, like I was John the Baptist with the flu.
We see women who go out and want to look like Jennifer Aniston, and they're wearing an ill-fitting red dress and ugly gold shoes, and they've got flat hair and they can't walk.
I remember once in high school the umpire called me out at third base when I was sure I was safe. I got so mad I took out my glass eye, handed it to him and said, 'Try this.' I got such a laugh you wouldn't believe.
I think right now there's more TV shows than ever. You've got network, you've got cable, you've got Netflix, you've got Hulu, even Amazon is putting out original content. So there's a lot of opportunities to find fans. You don't have to have a huge audience. You can cater to the people that like your stuff. So there is a boom in comedy and television and stand-up too through podcasting and all the different talk shows.
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