A Quote by Laurie Notaro

I want a man as nice as my retarded dog, but one that doesn't crap on the floor.

Laurie Notaro

Quote Topics

Crap Dog Floor Man Nice Retarded Want

Quote Author

Laurie Notaro
American - Writer

If a dog is biting a black man, the black man should kill the dog, whether the dog is a police dog or a hound dog or any kind of dog. If a dog is fixed on a black man when that black man is doing nothing but trying to take advantage of what the government says is supposed to be his, then that black man should kill that dog or any two-legged dog who sets the dog on him.

Malcolm X

If you were aboard a lifeboat with a baby and a dog, and the boat capsized, would you rescue the baby or the dog?" Regan, "If it were a retarded baby and a bright dog, I'd save the dog.

Tom Regan

If it were a retarded baby and a bright dog, I'd save the dog.

Tom Regan

A kingdom man is the kind of man that when his feet hit the floor each morning the devil says, "Oh crap, he's up!"

Tony Evans

One of my favorite sketches, and a popular comedy formula, is to put someone with a mental handicap in some kind of unlikely situation. For example: The retarded gynecologist, the retarded Jesus, the retarded Osama Bin Laden. It works. It's funny. Inappropriate? I dunno. I feel like I'm a pretty good judge of what crosses the line of good taste being that I am retarded. Socially perhaps, but severly retarded.

Bonnie McFarlane

As happy as I am off the floor, on the floor I'm the opposite. I don't take any crap.

Gilbert Arenas

If you look at the offense like a fancy car, the offensive line is the engine. Even though we might have nice spinners and nice rims and tinted windows and some neat paint job, it doesn't mean crap without the engine. If the engine's not working, the car might look like a pretty nice car, but it's a piece of crap.

Mike Tice

As happy as I am off the floor, on the floor I am the opposite. I don't take any crap.

Gilbert Arenas

Any man with money to make the purchase may become a dog's owner. But no man --spend he ever so much coin and food and tact in the effort-- may become a dog's Master without consent of the dog. Do you get the difference? And he whom a dog once unreservedly accepts as Master is forever that dog's God.

Albert Payson Terhune

Master Chekhov says Man is what he believes. From here we conclude that when Man believes in a crap, Man becomes a crap!

Mehmet Murat Ildan

My sister is also retarded. Across the board. She's a one hundred per cent, honest to goodness, born that way retard. I learned a long time ago that if you're going to tell a story about your retarded sister, you need to mention she's retarded right off the bat or inevitably, at the end of the story, someone will say, What... is she, retarded? And then you have to go, Uh... yeah, she is. Followed by a lengthy, awkward silence.

Bonnie McFarlane

The factory of the future will have only two employees, a man and a dog. The man will be there to feed the dog. The dog will be there to keep the man from touching the equipment.

Warren Bennis

Everybody who comes from the gangster life - they want what that man in the suburbs wants. Nice family. Nice house. Nice cars. Bills paid. Kids in school. Food on the table. Nothing more.

Ice Cube

Unix has retarded OS research by 10 years and linux has retarded it by 20.

Dennis Ritchie

I've had tons of bullies who would call me retarded, even on my Facebook page. It's sad and it really hurts. I want to tell people not to use the word. Don't say your friend's retarded when they do something foolish. If you have a disability, keep working hard. Whatever it takes, do it, and don't be mean to people.