A Quote by Lisa Lampanelli
I wasn't ready to be a dog's mother! Trust me, I'm completely unfit and irresponsible. I'm a comic that travels 48 weeks a year, but I make it work, so you can, too.
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I love being on the road, but to make a living as a road comic, you have to be on it most weeks out of the year. That's just too much for me. But I would love to be such a successful road comic that I don't have to go on it every week.
I am completely turning into my mom. Me, trying to be stern, is her. Or when I make silly voices. My mom always uses weird voices if she's talking to a kid or a dog. I'm the same person - completely my mother.
I don't know what being a 48-year-old feels like. There are a lot of 48 year olds that aren't in good shape. The pharmacy is making a killing off of them.
If you're on a film set for 48 weeks of the year, you're nowhere near reality. You can't emote like a human being.
My mother lives with me in Milan, while my father travels to and from Savona. My parents take care of my money, too.
The dog always dies. Go to the library and pick out a book with an award sticker and a dog on the cover. Trust me, that dog is going down.
I'd love to work with Paul Thomas Anderson or Quentin Tarantino, but these are dreams I don't need to rush to achieve. I'll be ready to make those movies when I'm ready to make those movies and they're ready to make them with me, if they ever want to.
A dog will make eye contact. A cat will, too, but a cat's eyes don't even look entirely warm-blooded to me, whereas a dog's eyes look human except less guarded. A dog will look at you as if to say, "What do you want me to do for you? I'll do anything for you." Whether a dog can in fact, do anything for you if you don't have sheep (I never have) is another matter. The dog is willing.
Modesty and diffidence make a man unfit for public affairs; they also make him unfit for brothels.
I think we make too many records. One record a year is crazy to me. But some people have to sell tickets. The label has to meet their quarterly number: 'We need a record a year.' All of a sudden, the tail's wagging the dog. It's not the music; it's everything else making the music. That's just backwards. It's wrong.
Getting ready to wrestle is like getting ready for a car crash. Getting ready to work with Brock Lesnar is like knowing you're going to get hit by a bus and the bus is going to back over you. If I'm going to work 'WrestleMania,' 16 weeks out I have to start training like I'm Mayweather getting ready for a fight.
Work like hell. I mean you just have to put in 80 to 100 hour weeks every week. [This] improves the odds of success. If other people are putting in 40 hour work weeks and you’re putting in 100 hour work weeks, then even if you’re doing the same thing you know that you will achieve in 4 months what it takes them a year to achieve.
Mother would come and pick me up at work and take me wherever I could get a job. Mother didn't trust anybody with me. Usually we'd get home at 3 in the morning.
That's what everybody tells me. "I would've had a great comic-book collection, but my mother made me throw them away." But when I was growing up, my mother didn't care. As long as I was reading, she didn't care if my room was filled with comics. I could have saved everything. I was just too stupid to do it.
I am a marathon worker and marathon mother. I'll spend three or four days completely swallowed up by work. And if I make it home in time to say good night, I may have one good hour with the girls, maybe a brief family dinner or a family walk with the dog, and then it is back on the computer to prepare for tomorrow's shows.
I was so grateful to work on 'Bunheads.' We had so much material, and everything was so rapid-fire, and I developed - through theater too, I developed a really great work ethic. I think preparing for both of them is just that - you come to set ready to go, ready to play. You know your lines. You're ready to work.
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