A Quote by Mallory Ortberg

The mere idea of asking a family member if they intentionally stopped sending me an annual bonus makes me feel like breaking out in hives. — © Mallory Ortberg
The mere idea of asking a family member if they intentionally stopped sending me an annual bonus makes me feel like breaking out in hives.
I don't work out for a shoot or a movie. For me, it's a lifestyle. That one hour a day really pumps me up. I exercise because it makes me feel good... looking good as a result is an added bonus.
I get uncomfortable when people give me presents and watch me open them. I don't have birthday parties, because the idea of a group of people singing and looking at me while I'm blowing out candles gives me hives.
I've been a fortunate girl: I grew up in a family that loved me from day one. I feel well grounded and lucky from that. So everything else is a bonus, because I grew up in this family that I adored, and adored me, and I think when you have that, you are already ahead of the game in the sense of how you feel about yourself.
I would never kill myself intentionally. I couldn't do that to my family, my friends ... But to have fate step in and give me a shove, that's a different matter. Then I have the exit, without the guilt. I am ashamed of myself for thinking like this. But more than anything, I am frightened that it makes me feel so much better to think about it. Sometimes it eases the terror, the sense that I am condemned eternally to this hell.
I feel like an outsider sometimes. Sometimes being more public makes me feel uncomfortable. I'll have people asking me for autographs in Thailand and I'll ask if they've seen my films and they'll say, "No, but I know who you are and I like the way you look - I like the skinhead look."
I loved musicals because I felt like breaking out in song makes so much sense to me because it's the stakes of how you feel inside!
For me, when I got married and when I had my daughter, those are two things that - when it does feel like work - makes me feel like I'm working for my family. I look around and just feel so blessed, because the opportunities that have been laid at my feet are second-to-none.
I'm always happy when I'm surrounded by water, I think I'm a Mermaid or I was a mermaid. The ocean makes me feel really small and it makes me put my whole life into perspective… it humbles you and makes you feel almost like you’ve been baptized. I feel born again when I get out of the ocean.
London does two things for me: it makes me feel connected, and it also makes me feel very isolated and quite lonely at times, and that's someone with two children in their family.
I've met so many amazing fans in the couple of weeks since the release of my second album, and everyone keeps telling me they feel so connected to the record. I think as an artist, all you really want out of your album is to feel like you're not alone.Because you wrote it for a reason. You wrote it because you're feeling some kind of emotion that you had to get out in the world. And if fans say, "that makes me feel like I'm not alone", then you get to say back to them, "Well, you telling me that makes me feel like I'm not alone either".
It makes me feel like a woman. It makes me feel that all the things about my body are suddenly there for a reason. It makes you feel round and supple, and to have a little life inside you is amazing.
My family and friends and career are very important to me, but running allows me to be a better friend, a better family member, and makes me better at my career.
I feel like there's a voice in my head, always, telling me every idea is brilliant, and another telling me every idea is the worst. And they argue in my head until somebody wins, until I solicit an audience to be, like, 'Will you help me figure this out? Is this the best or the worst idea?' And they tell me!
What makes me angry is the idea that people would be going to a movie because of what I said about it. It makes me feel, I don't know, arrogant, self-important, self-aggrandizing, whatever. Like I'm being used.
I just sing the stuff that makes me smile, makes me feel like I didn't sell myself out.
When I get to work with people I admire, it's such a bonus, so it was an easy sell when I got this phone call asking, 'Will you do this thing with David Strathairn?'" Also, they didn't ask me to audition, which is another bonus. But they said, "All your scenes will be with David," and I said, "I'm there!"
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