A Quote by Mallory Ortberg

If you go out with someone and decide you don't want to see them again, do them the courtesy of saying, "Hey, I had a nice time, but I don't think things are going to work out between us." Only you can help fight ghosting.
Fundamentally, as human beings, we're very, very alike and a lot more alike than we think, but we have a tendency to divide the world into them and us. In prison, when people commit a crime and we put them away, they definitely become "them." We don't want to deal with it because they have chosen to step out of society, so we're going to keep them out. Even if they serve their time, we're going to make sure that, for the rest of their lives, they're going to be branded. I don't know how to do it in a different way, but I think it clearly doesn't work.
The nations of the Middle East will have to decide what kind of future they want for themselves for their country and, frankly, for their families and for their children. It's a choice between two futures, and it is a choice America cannot make for you. A better future is only possible if your nations drive out the terrorists and drive out the extremists. Drive them out. Drive them out of your places of worship. Drive them out of your communities. Drive them out of your Holy Land. And drive them out of this earth.
My dad had a spell when he came out of coaching doing some work with underprivileged children on quite a rough council estate in Southampton to help the kids and take them out to places. I used to go along with him. I used to play football with them, mess about with them. I was only 13 or 14 and became good friends with them.
It's when children are 15, 16 or 17 that they decide whether they want to be a doctor, an engineer, a politician or go to the Mars or moon. That is the time they start having a dream, and that's the time you can work on them. You can help them shape their dreams.
Americans understand that the game is rigged, and they've had enough of it. They're ready to fight back. They want a Washington that works for them, i think that people are getting more engaged, politically, and they're seeing through a lot of the rhetoric that politicians have been throwing out there for a long time. They want to see some real change, and I think that's what we need to work on.
I want to spend my life with someone and do nice things and go on adventures, read books and have nice food and celebrate things. I don't want to spend the rest of my life in the bedroom like some people who just go to bed and never get out again.
I'm always satisfied with going to soup kitchens or homeless shelters. A big one for me is children's hospitals. I love spending time with kids, rooting for them, making them laugh. Any small act of kindness is just as important as a donation. So volunteer. Go out there and see how you can make a difference and help someone.
I want to see the next Reagan. I want somebody who brings out the good in Americans and challenges us to aspire to that North Star, someone who wants to empower our families and individuals and communities and let them be free to achieve their dreams. That's what's going to make this country again.
If I had a row with my husband, it's not going to work my saying, 'Right, if you don't do what I want, I'm going to walk out.' It doesn't work on any level. What you do is you go in and you say, 'I have a problem. You have a problem. Let's try and sort this out together.' You don't come to an agreement with people who you're falling out with badly.
I think really I've always had the same focus, to go out there and I like to facilitate and help my teammates in any way I can, go out there and work hard and I think things will turn out right.
And also it's an ever-gathering process. If I pick up the Sporting News or some sports publication and there's an article on somebody and I think I might see that player, I will tear it out and put it in a file, and I have a looseleaf book so when we're going to play that particular team I take out all these clippings and things I pulled out, I go through them, highlight them, put them in the book.
I always think about taking 10 random people off the street and trying to pair them. Probably a lot of them are not going to work out, but randomly one might. That's basically what they're doing on 'The Bachelorette.' Here's 25 guys, see if you like one of them and it might work out.
Even if they're not reaching out to us, we're going to reach out to them anyway and involve them in a meaningful way. Because if we don't, we will fail to learn the lesson of a generation before us, that reached out for us and never let us go.
The word "nice" makes me break out in hives. When someone tells me that they think my work is nice I want to take knitting needles and shove them in my ear canals. I have the same almost physical reaction to the word "interesting." The word is vague enough to mean anything and nothing. Like nice, interesting means the reader had zero connection and zero emotional response to anything in the work.
Usually, when people are sick, you go and help them, but Covid is such that you cannot be around them, but help from a distance. I think that hit me. Some people have nobody to go out and buy things for them, nobody to make any food.
I just had some of the same journalists that panned Electric Circus at the time, they just listened to Universal Mind Control and they loved it. And then they went back to tell me that Electric Circus, if it came out at today, it would've had a different reception. One of them told me, "Hey, man. You need to bring it out again." And I said, "Hey, it's cool. It is what it is."
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