A Quote by Mayte Garcia
To lose two babies is really scary. It really caught on me emotionally, physically, everything. It took me at least 15 years to get over it and still, to this day, I miss my son.
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My first relationship at 15 made me really, really mature because it was so destructive and intense. We were inseparable for three years and I was completely and utterly besotted. But then it all fell apart and it took me a long time to get over it.
I understand that my son loves me and I love him, and everything just really got blown out of proportion, and I'm OK with that. I'm still here. My son is around me all the time. At the end of the day he still loves me and I love him, so it is what it is.
It was a scary decision to let cameras into my life, but if I was going to do it, I just wanted to be really honest and kind of introduce myself as an adult. I think the world met me as a young girl, and they still associate me with who I was when I was 13, they still don't understand how over the last eight years what has happened and who I've become.
Finding the form was really a very dynamic process. I went through a lot of shifting, trying to get it right. Because the writing took place over such a long time, it's hard for me to pinpoint when specific things happened, but basically the final version only materialized in the last two or so years. It was there, but it took me a while to see it and then to refine it after I'd seen it.
It's physically hard for me to work. I start to break down, physically. My joints start. I get weepy eyes. I don't sleep well. I was never a hard worker, I guess. So the voiceover work ethic is really great for me - couple days a month, two hours a day.
I still miss the players and I miss the game and the strategy. The first couple years were really difficult. Now I realize I'll never coach again. It's still hard to go into the stadium on a game day, because it's hard to just be a fan. But it's easier now than it was the first two or three years.
My son, Jett, is two, and when I was pregnant my nose got bigger, so I got a new one. Everything was bigger for a while after having Jet, but I knew I needed to be able to walk up my stairs without being winded. It took me two years to lose 60 lbs - lots of walking, bike-riding, kick-boxing and performing.
I was German-speaking, and I arrived 10 years old to Croatia, and really wasn't speaking a lot at home with my parents in Croatian, so it was really difficult to write in Croatian. It took me two years after I went back to learn everything again in Croatian.
It took me a long time to understand not to get caught up in other people's expectations. It really comes down to creative fulfillment. It took me a while to realize I don't want to just be on a show to be on a show.
I find the game fascinating and poker has unlocked parts of me emotionally. I'm enjoying the process but there are moments when I'm really down. It's a ton of travel, it's exhausting, physically and emotionally. It's lonely.
What really broke it down was I had my son while I was locked up, so that really affected me. I can't really have this, knowing my father was locked up when I was small. So that really out of everything - through the fame, the money, everything - that really put the toll on me: 'Oh yeah, I gotta change.'
It took me two years to walk around a chair with ease; it took me another two years to learn how to laugh onstage - and I had to learn everything.
I posted a video a day for almost two months and was hardly sleeping, but I think it really pushed me to give music everything I had in me. I knew it was a chance I couldn't miss. The funny thing is I never saw my music video when it aired during the Super Bowl because as soon as I heard my song start I was in tears for the next 10 minutes! The most amazing thing that came out of all of this, however, was the support that had developed online. Without the people that came back day after day to vote for me, I'd be nowhere, and I really owe it all to them.
It took me a couple years to get over the stereotype I was letting myself get caught up on, being a football player trying to start a career in music.
My body really, really wanted to reproduce when I was 15. It took a lot of civilization, socialization, willpower and some emulsion polymerization technology for me not to reproduce at 15.
My mum took me to the theatre a lot, and I'd obsess over them for weeks after. She took me to see 'The Blue Room' at The Royal Exchange when I was 13, and that was a profound moment for me - I remember really wanting to be an actor. It really spoke to me like nothing else had before.
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