A Quote by Michael McIntyre

There are only two conditions where you’re allowed to wake up a woman on a lie-in: it’s snowing or the death of a celebrity. — © Michael McIntyre
There are only two conditions where you’re allowed to wake up a woman on a lie-in: it’s snowing or the death of a celebrity.
Know how to drive safely when it's raining or when it's snowing. The two conditions are different.
Confusion conditions activity, which conditions consciousness, which conditions embodied personality, which conditions sensory experiences, which conditions impact, which conditions mood, which conditions craving, which conditions clinging, which conditions becoming, which conditions birth, which conditions aging and death.
Death is a sleep that ends our dreaming. Oh, that we may be allowed to wake before death wakes us.
Even with the recent story about the nurse killing herself in King Edward Hospital, there's no blame placed on Kate Middleton, who was in the hospital as far as I could see for absolutely no reason. She feels no shame about the death of this woman, she's saying nothing about the death of this poor woman. The arrogance of the British royals is staggering, absolutely staggering. And why it's allowed to be I really don't know... It wasn't because of two DJs in Australia that this woman took her own life, it was the pressure around her.
There are two ways to wake up. You can wake up thinking about what you know, or you wake up thinking and saying 'What can I learn?.' That's a very different approach.
I like sort of esoteric and weird Twitter jokes. But I actually unfollow people if they make jokes about a celebrity's death within the first two minutes of that celebrity dying.
I'm not allowed to be woken up under any circumstances except if my house starts burning. Then my wife is authorised to wake me up, but only if fire gets to the door of my room.
Death in my mind isn't a finality. There's a continuum: It's like at night, you go to sleep and in the daytime you wake up, or whenever you wake up, and it's a new day.
To me, there are two types of celebrity: there's good celebrity - people that are attracted to the food and working and trying to create something great - and then there's bad celebrity - those who are working on being a celebrity.
I had always thought, for 'Roman Empire,' I would love to do the death of Marcus Aurelius in the snow. One morning I woke up, and it was really snowing.
I'm not a religious person in the regular sense, but in the Bible you're not allowed to steal, you're not allowed to lie and you're not allowed to feel you're above other people.
You wake up, you wake up, another day, you wake up, you wake up, traffic still moving at the same speed, our eyes looking at the same speed, our minds thinking at the same speed, I wanna see movement, I wanna see change. I wanna wake up for real. I wanna wake up. I wanna wake up. We were meant to live.
The extraordinary woman depends on the ordinary woman. It is only when we know what were the conditions of the average woman's life - the number of children, whether she had money of her own, if she had a room to herself, whether she had help bringing up her family, if she had servants, whether part of the housework was her task - it is only when we can measure the way of life and experience made possible to the ordinary woman that we can account for the success or failure of the extraordinary woman as a writer.
?ertainly there are people for whom anti-depression medication has allowed them to use difficulty to wake up, and I don't deny that at all, but as usual with us human beings, we've overdone it. We are self-medicating ourselves away from the great awakening moments, and losing our coping skills and losing wake-up calls.
We all wake up at our leisure; the kids know not to wake me up. Then we make breakfast or go out to eat with family. There is usually a sporting event or two to watch!
Only a woman who had killed a man in battle was allowed to give up her virginity.
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