A Quote by Mitch Hedberg

I don't need a receipt for a doughnut. I'll just give you the money, and you give me the doughnut. End of transaction! We don't need to bring ink and paper into this! I can't imagine a scenario where I'd have to prove that I bought a doughnut. Some skeptical friend...'Don't even act like I didn't buy that doughnut! I've got the documentation right here! Oh, wait, it's back home, in the file. Under d...for doughnut.'

Mitch Hedberg

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Act Back Back Home Bought Bring Buy Documentation Doughnut End Even File Friend Give Give Me Got Home Imagine Ink Ink And Paper Just Like Me Money Need Oh Paper Prove Right Scenario Skeptical Some Transaction Wait

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Mitch Hedberg
American - Comedian
February 24, 1968 - March 30, 2005

Adult librarians are like lazy bakers: their patrons want a jelly doughnut, so they give them a jelly doughnut. Children’s librarians are ambitious bakers: 'You like the jelly doughnut? I’ll get you a jelly doughnut. But you should try my cruller, too. My cruller is gonna blow your mind, kid.

John Green

I have the biggest sweet tooth, and just recently a doughnut shop in Portland called Pip's Original introduced a doughnut inspired by me called the 'Dirty Wu.' It is a cinnamon-sugar doughnut with sea salt, drizzled with honey and Nutella.

Reggie Lee

You can think about life as a battle between you and a doughnut shop. The doughnut shop wants you to eat another doughnut and pay the money, and you want to do it in the short term, but in the long term it's not good for you either financially or from a health perspective.

Dan Ariely

The other day, a doughnut shop in Portland called Pip's Originals tweeted me telling me that they named a doughnut after me called the 'Dirty Wu.' It is a cinnamon sugar doughnut drizzled with honey and Nutella. It was so good. I just won the Oscar in the sci-fi world.

Reggie Lee

I never fry a doughnut! If you want a doughnut, go and buy one once in a blue moon. It's about everything in moderation.

Mary Berry

Whether you take the doughnut hole as a blank space or as an entity unto itself is a purely metaphysical question and does not affect the taste of the doughnut one bit.

Haruki Murakami

Don't look at the hole in the doughnut. Look at the whole doughnut.

Branch Rickey

There’s always tomorrow.” “Exactly,” she said, finishing off her first doughnut, selecting a second. Maybe she wouldn’t starve to death, she decided. Maybe she’d eat herself into obesity and explode. Death by doughnut.

Janet Evanovich

I also stole a small yellow doughnut from the box of Duncan's doughnuts in the rec room and fed it to the attack poodle in my office. He made a great production of it. First, he growled at the doughnut, just to show it who was boss. Then he nudged it with his nose. Then he licked it, until finally he snagged it into his mouth and chomped it with great pleasure, dropping crumbs all over the carpet.

Ilona Andrews

Give me a glazed doughnut, and a bottle of anything... to go!

David Lee Roth

You're a cop. I need a doughnut.

Jim Butcher

There were some flavors that didn't work, like doughnut-flavored Tim Tams.

Adriano Zumbo

My dad thought I'd end up in the poorhouse or in doughnut shops with a bag full of reviews.

Henry Czerny

A good man doesn't just happen. They have to be created by us women. A guy is a lump like this doughnut.

Roseanne Barr

Pulmonarias need splitting every two or three years, as they rapidly develop into a doughnut with an empty centre that quickly gets filled with weeds.

Monty Don

In year 10 or 11, I used to buy packs of doughnuts for 50p from Morrisons, and sell them for 50p each. I made loads of money. So I was a doughnut hustler!

J Hus

A Quote by Mitch Hedberg

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