A Quote by Mitch Hedberg

My girlfriend is named Lynn. She spells her name "Lynn". My old girlfriend's name is Lyn, too, but she spells it "Lyn". Every now and then I screw up, I call my new girlfriend by my old girlfriend's name, and she can tell because I don't say "n" as long.

Mitch Hedberg

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Because Call Every Girlfriend Her Long My Girlfriend Name Named New New Girl New Girlfriend Now Now And Then Old Old Girlfriend Say Screw She Spells Tell Then Too Up

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Mitch Hedberg
American - Comedian
February 24, 1968 - March 30, 2005

I got married. My wife changed her name. I know some women have a problem with that. But I wanted her to have my old girlfriend's name. So call me old-fashioned, but this fella does what the Bible tells.

Jim Gaffigan

Start dating someone who is funny, someone who has what in high school you called a "really great sense of humor" and what now your creative writing class calls "self-contempt giving rise to comic form." Write down all of his jokes, but don't tell him you are doing this. Make up anagrams of his old girlfriend's name and name all of your socially handicapped characters with them. Tell him his old girlfriend is in all of your stories and then watch how funny he can be, see what a really great sense of humor he can have.

Lorrie Moore

My girlfriend is upset about her new haircut. I don't understand why she's crying. I'm the one who has to get a new girlfriend.

Anthony Jeselnik

I'm not the greatest husband - I've got a girlfriend. It doesn't really please my wife, but then if I was looking to please her I wouldn't have a girlfriend. I mean she knows about it, and I guess she's okay with it. Plus my kids like both of them.

Andrew Dice Clay

As far as celebrity, people don't stop me on the street and know who I am. It's more like, 'Doesn't she remind you of so-and-so's ex-girlfriend?' It's always somebody's ex-girlfriend. Somebody ex-girlfriend who's 'crazy.'

Michaela Watkins

Usually the beginning of a story that people hear a lot. For example, "My girlfriend is upset about her new haircut" or "My dad keeps losing his car keys." And then I just think of different ways the story could end. "My girlfriend is upset about her new haircut. I don't understand why she's crying. I'm the one who has to get a new girlfriend." Then I try it out on stage. I don't do a lot of re-writing. My jokes either work or they don't. The trick is just to write a ton of jokes.

Anthony Jeselnik

She came awake, stomach rumbling, and opened her eyes to see a plate being held right under her nose. When she reached for it, Shane snatched it back. "Nuh-uh. Mine." "Share!" she demanded. "Man, you are one grabby girlfriend." She grinned. It always made her feel so fiercly warm inside to hear him say that- the girlfriend part, not the grabby part. "If you love me, you'll give me a taco." "Seriously? That's all you got? What about you'll do sexy, illegal things to me for a taco?" "Not for a taco," she said. "I'm not cheap." "They're brisket tacos." "Now you're talking.

Rachel Caine

My mother saw a movie when she was 14 years old. I forget the name of the movie, but one of the lead characters was named Lark. She decided then she would name me and she stuck to it, and here I am.

Lark Voorhies

I have a girlfriend, but I don't really want to talk about her. I won't name her. She isn't in show business, has nothing to do with it. So I'd rather just keep her out of it.

Luke Perry

I don't want to play the girlfriend who's there because she's the girlfriend. And. That's. Her. Job. I want to play women and girls who are active and strong and who have a character arc and make decisions and have a rich background.

Angourie Rice

To say she was my girlfriend was absurd: no one the wrong side of thirty has a girlfriend… I suppose I ought to have realize it’s ominous that forty thousand years of human language had failed to produce a word for our relationship.

Robert Harris

I have a girlfriend. I give my heart to her. She's around, she's everywhere, we travel together. She's beautiful, she's gorgeous, she's everything you want in a woman. She doesn't complain.. but I can tune her out just enough.

The Miz

It's so weird to say this about the icon and legend that is Cher, but she's like an old girlfriend. We still talk all the time. She's an incredible person personally and professionally, giving such amazing advice, stories for days, been there done that. She's one of a kind.

Christina Aguilera

Dora appeared, placing Alex's coffee in front of him."Your girlfriend is a wonder, honey,"she siad to him, squeezing willows shoulder. Willow's smile turned strained at the word "girlfriend. He could see her wanting to correct the woman and then deciding to let it pass.

L.A. Weatherly

Guinevere is just head over heels and doesn't know how to handle these new emotions that she's feeling, as a young woman. Unfortunately, she can't reign it all in, all the time. And, even though she tries to do the right thing and be the good girlfriend and have her morals, she slips up a little bit.

Tamsin Egerton

Fine,' Aria conceded. 'But *I'll* carry her.' She grabbed the baby seeat from the back. A smell of baby powder wafted up to greet her, bringing a lump in her throat. Her father Byron, and his girlfriend, Meredith, had just had a baby, and she loved Lola with all her heart. If she looked too long at this baby, she might love her just as much.

Sara Shepard

A Quote by Mitch Hedberg

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