A Quote by Mitch Hedberg

I made $3,000 opening for the Neville Brothers, and they paid me in cash. That was a bad situation, because I bought ridiculous stuff. I bought a snake bite emergency kit. Then I said to my friends, "Don't even worry about snakes anymore". My friend stepped on a worm, and I said, "Lay down!"
Eventually, my dad bought me a guitar for Christmas, and then I just went from there, man. I bought a drum kit a few years later and bought a bass, started producing, started singing.
A snake bite emergency kit is a body bag.
He bent, lips coming to mine and — 'Derek? Chloe?' It was Kit, opening the back door. Derek let out a low growl. 'Never fails.' I turned to Kit. 'How is she?' 'We’re going to take her back to the house now. She’s unconscious again.' 'Then we’ll walk back,' Derek said. 'Give you room in the van to lay her down.' His dad agreed and went back inside. As we walked toward the steps, I looked down at Derek’s hand, holding mine. 'No one’s around,' he said. 'And we can take the back way.' 'Good,' I said, and entwined my fingers with his.
I bought everyone in my family a car, I bought my mum a convertible Mercedes. I bought a studio at a ridiculous cost - just insane.
Expenditure can't really guarantee a great experience. I don't even like shopping; I've never bought stuff for myself, and everything I wear are gifts from my brothers, friends and people.
I grew up in the country on a farm it was whenever someone said even that a snake was eating the chickens or bothering the chickens, we'd kill snakes. We never knew whether that was the snake that did it.
It was a very excellent day over there at HBO/Cinemax when they bought 'Powers' . I felt like I graduated television college, because they make amazing television. The person who said yes to Veep said yes to us, which made me feel very good about myself for five seconds. Which my self-loathing doesn't usually allow me to feel. Even I could not say that that wasn't a fun day.
From my second son Gustav, I bought one of his complaints for 200 kroner. He was complaining that he was a middle child - he wasn't the beloved first child, and he wasn't the cute little youngest child. So I said, can I use that same wording in a film? And he said yeah. So I bought it from him.
Well, first of all, I'm an incredibly gullible person - I'm so bad that when I said that to someone, my friend said, 'You know, 'gullible' isn't even in the dictionary.' And I said, 'Really?' As I was saying 'Really?' I will acknowledge that I then realized what was happening, but that's how bad I am.
A friend bought me a plane ticket to Hawaii, which is where I got discovered and became an actor, so I guess a friend bought me a winning lottery ticket.
I did a movie called 'Clueless' when I was first starting out. And with that paycheck, I went and bought a car, which I had no use for, because I lived in New York City, where you can take a train for a dollar anywhere. But instead, I bought a $20,000 car with a $12,000 check.
I went to an auction in the late '70s and bought a small Renoir. People said, "Why did you buy a Renoir that size?" I said, "I can put it in the safe with my diamonds." And that was a true story. I bought it to put it in the safe.
The house I've bought in London, the holidays, everything has been bought from making people laugh, and if you'd said to me when I was 14 that's how I was going to make my living, I would have smiled from ear to ear.
Friends can be incredible sometimes, but have you ever had a friend that can be really annoying or really mean to you? Friends shouldn't stab you in the back. Have you ever wondered if your friend has ever said stuff about you to their other friends? It gets pretty intimidating sometimes to think about that. What I'm saying is to find your friends that are real. Don't keep the ones that are fake and are just friends with you for what you have. Be strong. Don't take no for an answer. Never back down. Stand up for what you believe in. Friends are great to have, but just be cautious. (.
My laptop seems to know where I am, even if I don't. My cellphone asks me if I want directions to anywhere from the spot I am standing in. I buy a record online and Amazon.com sends me letters, telling me that people who bought what I bought also bought these other records.
My girlfriend bought me a down jacket, she said it fit my personality.
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