A Quote by Mitch Hedberg

I want to make a vending machine that sells vending machines. It'd have to be real big.

Mitch Hedberg

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Be Real Big Machine Machines Make Real Sells Vending Vending Machines Want

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Mitch Hedberg
American - Comedian
February 24, 1968 - March 30, 2005

We believe that God is like a giant vending machine in the sky. We put in our requests in the form of prayers, and then the vending machine dispenses these prayers based upon how well we've followed the rules that someone else has told us are God's rules.

Wayne Dyer

I like it when you reach into a vending machine to grab your candy bar, and that flap goes up to block you from reaching up? That's a good invention. Before that, it was hard times for the vending machine owners. "Yeah, what candy bar are you getting?" "That one, and every one on the bottom row!"

Mitch Hedberg

I like vending machines, because snacks are better when they fall.

Mitch Hedberg

My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine.

Caroline Rhea

Here's a startling fact: in the 45 years since the introduction of the automated teller machine, those vending machines that dispense cash, the number of human bank tellers employed in the United States has roughly doubled, from about a quarter of a million to a half a million.

David Autor

Being part of the Fresh Healthy Vending team and the corporate-owned operations division has been incredible thus far. It has given me enough knowledge to take the important facts about healthy vending options to my own personal and professional contacts and expand these positive programs wherever we can.

Steve Finley

One simply turns to the ideological vending machine, and out comes the prepared formulae.

Daniel Bell

It's safe to assume that by 2085 guns will be sold in vending machines but you won't be able to smoke anywhere in America.

David Sedaris

I want to get a vending machine, with fun sized candy bars, and the glass in front is a magnifying glass. You'll be mad, but it will be too late.

Mitch Hedberg

I don't see the government as a beverage vending machine, where anyone who happens to be thirsty can grab a drink.

Mathias Dopfner

God is not a vending machine where if you put in enough prayer quarters we get a Reese's Pieces bag that pops out.

Joel C. Rosenberg

Wait a minute, words in the prompter, script on my desk, vending machine upstairs out of Funyuns... the writers are back!

Jon Stewart

We need to reform our school lunch programs. We need to get healthy items into the vending machines.

Joan Lunden

Male sexual response is far brisker and more automatic. It is triggered easily by things - like putting a quarter in a vending machine.

Alex Comfort

I like vending machines, because snacks are better when they fall. If I buy a candy bar at the store, oftentimes I will drop it so that is achieves its maximum flavor potential.

Mitch Hedberg

You can use the Internet to find out, from anywhere on the planet: exactly how much coffee is in a certain coffee machine at Cambridge University in England; exactly how many sodas are available in certain vending machines at certain major universities; and much, much more.

Dave Barry

A Quote by Mitch Hedberg

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