A Quote by Mitch Hedberg

If carrots got you drunk, rabbits would be messed-up.

Mitch Hedberg

Quote Topics

Carrots Drunk Got Messed Rabbits Up Would Would Be

Quote Author

Mitch Hedberg
American - Comedian
February 24, 1968 - March 30, 2005

If carrots are good for my eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits on the highway?

Richard Jeni

Because I've been that drunk person in the club so many thousands of times, when I'm in an environment where people are drunk or on drugs, I certainly don't judge them. Because it's almost a given that for much of my life I've been way more messed up than them.

Moby

I thought, Hey, maybe these people shouldn't be making up holidays to drink more. Maybe if they drank less they might be able to title their newspaper articles more specifically. For example, I would title this last article "Drunk Driver Hits Drunk Walker Drunkety-Drunk I'm So Drunk."

Mike Birbiglia

I got messed up between my fight with Ken Norton and my fight with Larry Holmes; I got messed up with alcohol. I needed at least a year more experience, with three or four more fights before I fought Holmes. But I couldn't get any fights. Don King had all the contenders, and unless I signed myself over to him, I couldn't get a fight.

Gerry Cooney

It's okay to be messed up, because there are five other dudes who are just as messed up as you.

Gerard Way

If you don’t want your life to be 'messed up', don’t fool around with those who have messed up theirs.

Napoleon Hill

Every time I got drunk, this girl named Nikki would show up. When I got drunk, I was just a different person. This is a totally different person than Lisa. When these two started to battle it out, I had to create a third person to come in and straighten the two of them out. Nina, my evil twin who came from within, who I blame my sins on. (satanic alter) All the problems I did have stemmed from what I was doing - I was creating all these different personalities.

Lisa Lopes

When I was a kid, I wanted desperately to be a jazz musician. I would practice the trumpet for hours, but when I got braces, that messed up my ability to play, so all of a sudden I had all this free time.

Zach Woods

Back on shore everyone was pretty messed up, but the owner/captain was by far the worst off. He ended up drunk for a week, though the only thing he ever said was "So?" The boat's gone. "So?" Your mate's dead. "So?" Hey at least you're alive. "So?" An awful word but it does harden you. It hardened me.

Mark Z. Danielewski

Man, me and Biggie were the biggest artists in New York. When he passed, I was so messed up. My attitude was messed up about him dying. There was an East-West thing back then, and I was in war mode.

Nas

A lot of the messed-up stuff that men inflict on women is kind of a symptom of the messed-up stuff that they should be dealing with themselves.

Ben Schnetzer

You say, 'The country is messed up.' That's like cursing the soil and the seed and the sunshine and the rain, which is all you've got. Don't curse all you've got. When you get your own planet, you can rearrange this whole deal. This one you've got to take like it comes.

Jim Rohn

What was most important to me at the Olympics was going out there and performing my best. When I messed up the first jump combination, which was my big move, it hit me that I messed up the program of my life.

Debi Thomas

Tommy Dorsey was the last of the band leaders... He was ahead of his time; if he got drunk, he got difficult, but then who the hell isn't difficult when you get drunk.

Dick Haymes

The way I was raised, you get a new pair of sneakers when the old one gets messed up. But when I got to high school, I started dating girls and trying to fit in, and I realized everybody was collecting Jordans. When I would get my paychecks, I wouldn't even take money. I would just trade them for sneakers.