A Quote by Mitch Hedberg
I'm gonna fix that last joke by taking out all the words and adding new ones.
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I think I'm a good joke writer. I'm also very scared that the last joke I wrote is the last joke I'll ever write.
In 1945, peace broke out. It was the end of the Joke. Joke warfare was banned at a special session of the Geneva Convention, and in 1950 the last remaining copy of the joke was laid to rest here in the Berkshire countryside, never to be told again.
A joke is a joke. There's an expression - I don't know if you have it - that's 'adding insult to injury.'
You learn to kid around and joke and not take things too seriously because somehow its all gonna work out for the best - or you're gonna make it work out.
You learn to kid around and joke and not take things too seriously because somehow its all gonna work out for the best - or you're gonna make it work out
I think Obama did have a pitch, and it was he was gonna take care of you, and he was gonna fix everything that was wrong. And he personally was gonna guarantee you that things are gonna be okay. And he personally was gonna guarantee that the country be loved again. And he personally was gonna do all these wonderful things.
The U.K. and Europe in general seem to be a lot more patient. The U.S. are expecting 'joke joke joke joke joke joke joke.' They don't actually sit and listen to you.
I'm not the mixtape guy who's gonna put out a new one every month. I'm gonna allow my albums to marinate and resonate and whatever type of 'ates' they can do. I'm gonna let my music grow on them.
I always wanted the actors to feel really free to leave the words behind if they weren't working, reword lines, if they felt like there was impulse they wanted to follow, if it was taking the scene out of order or adding something, that you should always feel free to do that.
The doctrine of evolution implies the passage from the most organised to the least organised, or, in other terms, from the most general to the most special. Roughly, we say that there is a gradual 'adding on' of the more and more special, a continual adding on of new organisations. But this 'adding on' is at the same time a 'keeping down'. The higher nervous arrangements evolved out of the lower keep down those lower, just as a government evolved out of a nation controls as well as directs that nation.
When I'm writing columns, it's - all I'm thinking about is jokes, joke, joke, joke, setup, punch line, joke, joke, joke. And I really don't care where it goes.
I'm really good at melodic and sonic things, but I don't really think I have anything to say. But I really enjoy the puzzle-making of taking words and adding a melody to them.
I had a massive victory over Ted [Cruz], it turned out. Remember Indiana was gonna be the change? I was gonna win New York, I was gonna win, then Indiana? But Indiana was a landslide. You gotta get over it. You know, at some point you gotta get over it. Otherwise we're gonna have three or four new Supreme Court justices that are going to be a disaster for the Republican Party.
It doesn't matter who the candidates are. It doesn't matter the campaign. You know that's gonna happen. The Washington Post is gonna do it, the New York Times is gonna do it, the three networks gonna do it, CNN's gonna do it, MSNBC gonna do it, all the newspapers are gonna do it. For the vast majority of them. There are some exceptions. That sameness ends up being its own authority. If everywhere you look in the media tells you the same thing, you don't have to research.
The point is that Hillary Clinton is running on all these ideas. She's gonna do this and she gonna do that. She's gonna fix this. She's got a massive new economic plan that's not gonna add a penny to the national debt, while Donald Trump's will add 20 trillion to the national debt. What she does, she always pivots and goes back to the Children's Defense Fund. "Well, I started working in the 1970s for women and children, Children's Defense Fund." That's magic and you're not supposed to question nothing further after that.
My career was one of just taking it step by step. I didn't know how I was gonna fare on the professional circuit when I qualified. I didn't know whether I was gonna make a dime. I didn't know anything but this one thing: I had some dreams, and I was gonna work harder than anybody out here to ply my trade.
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