A Quote by Mort Sahl

If anybody comes up to you and says, My kid is a conservative - why is that? you say, Remember in the 60?s when we told you if you kept using drugs your kids would be mutants?
I remember Kenny Anderson. He's got these huge stacks of Fed Ex envelopes. They were super-packed and he'd open it up and it would be all checks. He was always signing his own checks. He would always call me Kid.' He'd say, Kid, always remember to sign your own checks. Don't allow anybody to sign your checks.'
Now remember kids if anyone ever offers you drugs say 'Thank you' cause drugs are very expensive.
Let me tell you what would be a really, really great project for all of us. Why don't we start mentoring kids? Whether we're liberal or conservative, why don't we start going into the schools and giving the kids a sense of their own purpose, their own self-worth, their future, and what they can learn from us? You know, if we're mentoring kids together, we might actually begin to talk to one another again and listen to one another. We have a big crisis all over the country and in our state on drugs.
Drug use, some might say, is destroying this country. And we have laws against selling drugs, pushing drugs, using drugs, importing drugs. And the laws are good because we know what happens to people in societies and neighborhoods which become consumed by them. And so if people are violating the law by doing drugs, they ought to be accused and they ought to be convicted and they ought to be sent up.
Then I say, "Let's go and brush our teeth." So Lola says, "But Charlie, I can't brush my teeth because somebody is using my tooth." "But who would use your toothbrush?" I ask. Lola says "I think that lion. I saw a lion with my toothbrush and now he's brushing his teeth with it." "But it isn't this your toothbrush Lola?" "Oh," says Lola, "he must be using yours.
I was reading an interview with Keith Richards in a magazine and in the interview Keith Richards intimated that kids should not do drugs. Keith Richards! Says that kids should not do drugs! Keith, we can't do any more drugs because you already f-king did them all, alright? There's none left! We have to wait 'til you die and smoke your ashes! Jesus Christ! Talk about the pot and the f-kin' kettle.
That's what I hate about the war on drugs. All day long we see those commercials: "Here's your brain, here's your brain on drugs", "Just Say No", "Why do you think they call it dope?" … And then the next commercial is [singing] "This Bud's for yooouuuu." C'mon, everybody, let's be hypocritical bastards. It's okay to drink your drug. We meant those other drugs. Those untaxed drugs. Those are the ones that are bad for you.
[Drug] Addiction is awful, the worst if it is your kid. Plenty of loving parents who did everything "right" find themselves with kids caught up with drugs, and plenty of absentee parents have kids who never touch the stuff.
I jokingly say that the enemies are children, you know. I always say, if you have young kids, your whole goal from the moment they wake up is to make them tired. It's exhausting. Anybody who's got kids knows what I'm talking about.
"Let's say we discover the gene that says the kid's gonna be gay. How many parents, if they knew before the kid was gonna be born, [that he] was gonna be gay, they would take the pregnancy to term? Well, you don't know but let's say half of them said, "Oh, no, I don't wanna do that to a kid." [Then the] gay community finds out about this. The gay community would do the fastest 180 and become pro-life faster than anybody you've ever seen. ... They'd be so against abortion if it was discovered that you could abort what you knew were gonna be gay babies."
You know how kids will wait outside after a gig and try to get an autograph from the band? I would do that, but when I found the guitar player, I would say, 'What advice can you give me?' And a lot of my heroes would say, 'Have your own style.' I always kept that in my head.
Hip-hop culture is deeply rooted in the wrong things. Hip-hop is about drugs right now. It's more so about drugs - about selling drugs, about using drugs - it's bad for kids.
So why you pushin' it? Why you lyin' for? I know where you live, I know your folks, you was a sucka as a kid. Your persona's drama that you acquired in high school in actin' class, Your whole aura is plexiglass. What's-her-face told me you shot this kid last week in the park; That's a lie, you was in church with your moms.
I remember specifically, for me, as a kid growing up or as a young teenager, if I ever cried or got upset in front of anybody, I would be so humiliated.
The White House comes out and says it's going to do a major study of the effects on preschool-age children using Ritalin, Prozac and other drugs. I know in advance what the study's going to say. The results are in before they even start. They're going to do a window-dressing control while praising the overall need for the drugs. In the end they're going to try to peddle more drugs than before while making us think they're clamping down; that's my guess.
So you didn’t tell me it was a messed-up idea to keep this all a secret because. . .” “Because experience is the only teacher,” Hey-Soos says. “Even if I could have told you, it would have been a lecture. Why do you think kids don’t listen to their parents, or people don’t leave churches and do what the preacher tells them? There’s only one thing that’s universal.” “What’s that?” “The truth.
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