A Quote by Neal Brennan
Everyone has some secret and some source of pain or sadness and I just said mine first and then everybody went after me. I get it every day in my Instagram direct messages, people thanking me for talking about depression and telling me how it helped them.
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I get messages from people telling me all the time through Twitter or Instagram about how my path has inspired their path. It's good for them, for people who have a certain amount of mental problems, suffering from depression or anxiety, being able to have someone who recognises them and helps them.
But day after day of depression, the kind that doesn’t seem to merit carting me off to a hospital but allows me to sit here on this stoop in summer camp as if I were normal, day after day wearing down everybody who gets near me. My behavior seems, somehow, not acute enough for them to know what to do with me, though I’m just enough of a mess to be driving everyone around me crazy.
I've heard stories of other people that are similar stories to me - their mother or father passing away. People have come out to me on Instagram. It's amazing that they can tell me and confide in me. I always want to take the time and write these long messages telling them how much that means to me.
I get loads of messages from people telling me they've been helped through some bad relationship when they've listened to my song. That's what I want to do.
I have often felt like I was the only one fighting against female genital mutilation. There is still a huge taboo surrounding the topic, because it involves the most private parts of the female´s body. But whenever I feel like this is too much for me to do, I read e-mails and messages I receive every day from people thanking me for speaking up for them, for giving them a voice. These messages let me know that I am not alone, and that what I do is worthwhile.
I get people stopping me on the street like twenty times a day, telling me how great it makes them feel and how it just helps them to go about their day and rebuild their lives. It means a tremendous amount.
I get a lot of people that are thanking me for speaking out about certain issues. I get people telling me, "If you don't like it here, then there's plenty of other countries to go to," which is hilarious to me. I don't take anything personal. A lot of people are blinded by their love for this country.
I believe that everyone experiences depression to some degree at some time in their lives. And there are probably millions of people who live with a low level of sadness and heaviness day in and day out.
A lot of followers would tell me, 'You've helped me through my depression or helped me stop cutting.' Something as easy as posting a video keeps them happy, or talking to them on Twitter helps them realize that what they're going through is temporary.
I've had some nice messages after games from players who I haven't spoken to before. I won't name people and drop them in it, but I've had messages from opposition strikers and defenders saying that they respect and love the way I play, telling me to keep doing it and not to change the way I am.
And Father said, "Christopher, do you understand that I love you?" And I said "Yes," because loving someone is helping them when they get into trouble, and looking after them, and telling them the truth, and Father looks after me when I get into trouble, like coming to the police station, and he looks after me by cooking meals for me, and he always tells me the truth, which means that he loves me.
I'm gonna be a respectable dude. When people talking to me, I'm gonna show everybody respect. I just wanted to do that, I needed some kind of balance and I think that Islam was perfect for me. It ain't nothing different than Christianity, we all believe in Jesus, we all believe in God, it's just that Islam really helped me balance out who I am. Cuz if I can go all day without making Salaat or asking for forgiveness or giving thanks, you know, I would probably be a lunatic. So that's what gave me balance.
I get tons of messages every day telling me, 'Your music has provided me with answers.'
At some of the darkest moments in my life, some people I thought of as friends deserted me-some because they cared about me and it hurt them to see me in pain; others because I reminded them of their own vulnerability, and that was more than they could handle. But real friends overcame their discomfort and came to sit with me. If they had not words to make me feel better, they sat in silence (much better than saying, "You'll get over it," or "It's not so bad; others have it worse") and I loved them for it.
I feel that, every day, God molds me into someone that He wants me to be. So if that means just, like, talking to teammates and helping them out, or, like, every so often I'll post a Bible verse on Twitter or Instagram.
I should’ve been furious, but for some reason I wasn’t. Maybe because I knew he was telling the truth. Maybe because Voron left me just like that, without the much-needed explanations. Maybe because things I had learned about him since his death had made me doubt everything he’d ever said to me. Whatever the case, I felt only a hollow, crushing sadness. How touching. I understood my adoptive father’s killer. Maybe after this was over, Hugh’s head and I could sing “Kumbaya” together by the fire.
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