When I meet a girl, I just sort of do really over-exaggerated terrible dance moves... a lot of hip movements. I get them laughing, and get them to feel pity for me, and then they like me!
You know when sometimes you meet someone so beautiful โ and then you actually talk with them, and five minutes later they're as dull as a brick. But then there's other people, and you meet them and you think: "Not bad, they're okay," and then you get to know them, and their face sort of becomes them, like their personality's written all over it; and they just โ and they turn into something so beautiful.
I write really slowly, and my lines are really, really terrible all the time. It takes so long for me to get them to be where I won't be embarrassed to sing them, and then feel like they're great.
I always get because people remember me as a really small, skinny kid. And then when they meet me, I'm just kind of towering over them. I'm 6'2. I'm not a giant, but compared to what a lot of people remember me as, it's a little bigger.
The 'where' doesn't really matter for me. It's whenever I get time to spend with the people that I treasure the most in my life, that's when I am at my happiest. I don't get to see them as much anymore, so the times that we actually get to meet up and just hang out together mean a lot to me.
In fact, I get angry when people laugh at me. I go to the airport and the ground hostess starts laughing at me when she sees me. I get irritated and ask them if I just did some comedy for them to laugh like that. But then I apologise because I know they must have remembered some movie scene that I did.
Being in front of the audience, letting my audience see me in person - it is real intimate, you get to make them laugh and cry, they get to feel you. And then afterward, we go out and do a meet-and-greet session with the fans. It was just a wonderful experience. I really, really enjoyed it.
Comedians work great as actors because they're good under pressure. With a lot of actors, you have to make them feel like everything's going really well to get a good performance out of them. But, if you have a comedian on the set, you can tell them, 'Hey, you really are screwing this up,' and then they just get better.
If you're a movie star, you get the girl, you lose the girl, and then you get her back. But if you're a character like me, you lose the girl, then you get another one, then you get another one, then you lose them all, then you lose your life.
It's really amazing to be a part of something that people have an emotional response to, even though it's a network sitcom. When you get a chance to meet fans or interact with them, you realize that there are a lot of people who the show speaks to, and that they really get something out of it, beyond just laughing. That's really fulfilling.
It's incredible when I'm out in these towns. I have people telling me they were waiting for hours just to meet me and get my autograph. I feel so guilty. I always feel like I have to give them more than just Kato Kaelin.
Most people don't really like to pose. It is difficult to get them to be present and relaxed under this kind of molecular scrutiny. I want them to understand I'm not simply painting them: I am painting them within a precise moment in time, as a shadow moves across their eyebrows. Then it is gone. The moment is over.
A lot of Utah State when I was there, there was a lot of California guys. So, you get a lot of Cali music, you got a lot of dance music, I think the Jerk was popular back then. It was a lot of the music that you can dance to with your teammates. A lot of hip-hop, rap, R&B, it was really fun. It was live in there.
I do that a lot of authors still do not do is allow people to write directly to me. I get about 50 fan letters a day, and I answer every single one of them myself. It takes a lot of time and sometimes it's a pain in the neck and I answer the same questions over and over. But the truth is these people come to my readings clutching these letters saying, "You wrote me back. I can't believe you wrote me back", and I think it really means a lot for them to know that the author values them just as much as they value the author.
I think that men think they need their man caves. They don't really do. They think they want them, and then the second they do get them and they have alone time and time away from the girl, and the girl is really cool with giving them alone time, then that's when they, or at least I, start to think, "So, why are you so cool with me being alone? What's wrong with me that you don't want to be with me every second."
I get reached out to by a lot of people who just thank me for representing them and their friends. Just showing people like them on TV. It's just really awesome to hear from them.
Time passes and I am still not through it. Grief isn't something you get over. You live with it. You go on on with it lodged in you. Sometimes I feel like I have swallowed a pile of stones. Grief makes me heavy. It makes me slow. Even on days when I laugh a lot, or dance, or finish a project, or meet a deadline, or celebrate, or make love, it is there. Lodged deep inside of me.