A Quote by Oksana Masters
I definitely went through a period where I don't want to say I hated myself, but I hated what I saw in the mirror. I would try to cover it up, and it wasn't until I started doing sports - until after London 2012 - that I kind of started getting more of that confidence in my body and appreciating my body.
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I feel like I appreciate and love myself a lot more than I used to. At one point, I would look in the mirror; I just hated what I saw... and finally, when I was 17, I built some confidence, and now I try to keep that confidence going.
I hated high school. Ugh. I couldn't wait until it was over so I could sleep in. In college, I made sure all my classes were in the afternoon. I hated getting up in the morning.
I used to be really comfortable with my body until I started hearing from people I didn't even know who have no relevance to me saying, 'You're ugly. You're fat. You're old.' And I thought, 'Hold on - I was doing alright until you piped up.'
There was nothing I hated worse than clumps of whispering girls who got quiet when I passed. I started picking scabs off my body and, when I didn't have any, gnawing the flesh around my fingernails until I was a bleeding wreck. I worried so much about how I looked and whether I was doing things right, I felt half the time I was impersonating a girl instead of really being me.
I hated the culture, I hated the work. I very quickly realized that this wasn't what I wanted to do. So, after two years, I took some writing courses - I always loved to write - and I figured the only way I was going to get paid to write was in journalism. I really wasn't very involved politically with anything up until that point. Then I started reading about the second Palestinian Intifada, and I spoke to friends in activist and journalism circles. Then, somehow by complete luck, I ended up at Democracy Now.
My first job was television. I got to where I wanted to go, but through a little bit of a detour. When I first started working in film and television, I hated myself - I didn't like what I was doing at all. All I could think of was, 'I'm overacting. Be smaller.' I started to do that, but that was not fun. I felt confined doing film and TV.
Most of the time, it just sat there in my body, until the weekend. After five or six takes of crying, your body does not want to cry anybody. Your body is like, "I'm over this, can we start laughing, or something?," but you have to keep the emotion. It's a really weird process and it definitely just stays with you.
I personally hated working out when I first started, but then I noticed it was the one thing I did for myself. It gave me more energy and made me feel more confident. I started rolling with it. I love going for jogs and walks in the morning with my cousin. Sometimes we do sunrise walks where we'll be up before the sun comes up and by the time it does we're up and going. It's really nice. I also started training MMA, mixed martial arts to keep it fun. It's stress relieving.
When I started wrestling, I sucked. I hated losing, so I started doing pushups and more squats, and then I did summer wrestling and learned different styles.
I was 17 when my body started changing, and I worried about what I did wrong. I went through a period where I didn't eat at all. I also had someone who was encouraging me to take diet pills. I pushed myself to the extreme because I woke up one day and had hips - and a butt - and thought, 'Oh my gosh, I'm getting fat!'
Don't ask me about Beverly Hills High School. Everybody hated it. I hated it. Hated it. Hated it. Hated it.
That's something I kind of started Week 1, so when it got to where I'm getting a little beat up, I have a routine already for getting my body back together. Just getting in the cold tank, making sure you're getting massages.
I started doing modeling and continued for good three to four months and then I started getting Kannada movies. Then I realized that I really want to try getting into acting. A lot of people started saying that have 'I have a Bollywood face.'
I'm closer to being happy. I'm doing things that make me happy. In football I loved to practice and I loved to play, but I hated to be in meetings, hated to talk to the media, hated to have cameras in my face, hated to sign autographs. I hated to do all those things.
I struggled with self-esteem issues as a young girl, and it was not until my gymnastics career was completed in 2000 that I realized my accomplishments would not have been possible without my type of body, and I finally started to appreciate and celebrate myself.
It is worth taking the leap for something you have always wanted to do because until you try you'll never know. Through the experiences I have had and the risks I have taken, I have gained courage and confidence. I didn't start with the courage and confidence. I started with the risk.
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