A Quote by Patton Oswalt
Here's what I'm afraid of. I know a lot of comedians, friends of mine, who just got into the 'Doesn't matter what I say. It doesn't matter. They're just gonna laugh anyway.'
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Here's what I'm afraid of. I know a lot of comedians, friends of mine, who just got into the "Doesn't matter what I say. It doesn't matter. They're just gonna laugh anyway."
I just want to let everybody know that no matter the circumstance it doesn't mean that the outcome is gonna be what the statistic says it's gonna be. You know, I just want to show everybody that no matter what you can make your dreams come true if you work hard. Like, that's my legacy as far as that.
Courage isn't just a matter of not being frightened, you know. It's being afraid and doing what you have to do anyway.
No matter how you feel, you've got to be able to laugh at yourself. If you can laugh at Donald Trump, then you better be able to laugh at yourself, too. For us as comedians, we have to point out what's funny.
It doesn't matter who the candidates are. It doesn't matter the campaign. You know that's gonna happen. The Washington Post is gonna do it, the New York Times is gonna do it, the three networks gonna do it, CNN's gonna do it, MSNBC gonna do it, all the newspapers are gonna do it. For the vast majority of them. There are some exceptions. That sameness ends up being its own authority. If everywhere you look in the media tells you the same thing, you don't have to research.
I feel guilty when people say I'm the greatest on the scene. What's good or bad doesn't matter to me; what does matter is feeling and not feeling. If only people would take more of a true view and think in terms of feelings. Your name doesn't mean a damn, it's your talents and feelings that matter. You've got to know much more than just the technicalities of notes; you've got to know what goes between the notes.
No matter how good you are, at some point your kids are gonna have to create their own independence and think that Mom and Dad aren't cool, just to establish themselves. That's what adolescence is about. They're gonna go through that no matter what.
The fact of the matter is, Obama and the Democrats did a number on Mitt Romney's reputation and his character and his image with outrageous commercials that I thought nobody in their right mind was gonna believe. I know they're gonna appeal to somebody, but they appeal to far more. People may not have believed it specifically, but it did enough damage to make people say, "I don't know. I just don't like this Romney guy. Stick with what we got."
Humans tend to segregate the world: enemies on one side, friends on the other. Friends are the people we know. Enemies are the Other. You can do just about anything to the Other. It doesn't matter if this Other is actually guilty of any crimes, because it is a matter of emotion, not logic. You see angry people aren't interested in justice, they just want an excuse to vent their rage.
And even if we win, if we win, HAH! Even if we win! Even if we play so far above our heads that our noses bleed for a week to ten days; even if God in Heaven above comes down and points his hand at our side of the field; even if every man woman and child held hands together and prayed for us to win, it just wouldn't matter because all the really good looking girls would still go out with the guys from Mohawk because they've got all the money! It just doesn't matter if we win or we lose. IT JUST DOESN'T MATTER! It just doesn't matter! It just doesn't matter!
To us investigators, the concept 'soul' is irrelevant and a matter for laughter. But matter is an abstraction of exactly the same kind, just as good and just as bad as it is. We know as much about the soul as we do of matter.
There are words that I wouldn't say because they hurt people's feelings. I just happen to be a white guy who writes for a lot of black comedians but if I wrote for a lot of gay comedians there might be stuff I would say then.
Through a lot of conversations with the Minister [Louis Farrakhan] you've got to know when to say something. But if you are forever going to be afraid to say anything, then you become irrelevant - as a force. I mean, so the God-given gift that you got, you're not a relevant player in the game - you're just a dude whose got money, got a big house and some cars.
I make people laugh hard; I'm a comic, that's just the way it is. And I make them laugh because I'm funny, not because I'm filthy. The subject matter is dirty, but the pictures I paint are really funny. A lot of comics don't understand that that's what it's about. It's just, "I'll be dirty and they'll laugh." Nobody's becoming a superstar that way.
I'm just gonna be honest and if I feel something, I'm just gonna say it! Once I started doing that, my music just got better.
I'm honored that other comedians like what I do. That means the world to me. But at the same time when I'm on stage I'm not just trying to make the comedians laugh - I'm also trying to make the audience laugh. I want to make everybody laugh.
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