A Quote by Pete Holmes
When it comes to being called a pronoun, sometimes I like to call other people 'me.' I go, like, 'Oh, these mes voted for Trump. This me is begging for change. This me is driving me to the airport.' I find that useful instead of going, like - because it's so pleasant to go 'you.'
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Personally, I know that it's taken me a few different kinds of workouts to find out what's good for me because I completely relate sometimes, when I'm like, 'I don't really want to go to the gym because I don't want people to see me like this.'
Everyone was like, "You're life is going to change so much," but I don't think anybody recognizes me. Sometimes my friends will say, "Oh, that person recognized you," but I don't notice it. I don't even look at people when I walk because it weirds me out, if they're looking at me.
It's like people call me a rock star or this or that. And I go, 'Don't call me that. I don't think of myself in those terms. If you have to call me anything, call me a chameleon.
Now for me, you're the irreplaceable one: I've never see you up so close before, and I do not understand you at all. You say sometimes I act like I don't see you? I don't even know where to look! Living with you around is like is like living with a permanent dazzle. The fact that you even like me, or look at me, or brush by me, or hug me, or hold me, is so surprising that after it's over I have to go back through it a dozen times in my head to savor it and try and figure out what it was like because I was too busy being astounded while it was happening.
Dear Heavenly Father, sometimes I feel like I’m not going to make it. Thank You for friends that come alongside me and cheer me on when I feel like I’m about to go under. Most of all, thank You for always being with me and cheering me on in the great race of life. I love You!
When I got to the stage, it was like a release, you know what I mean? Because it was like, 'Oh, people like me. People like me. They're listening to what I have to say. They're not judging me on how I look; they're judging me on what I'm saying.' So to me, that's what's worth it, and that's what comedians have.
I would say that my fatal flaw, as a human being, is that I need people to like me, and if they don't like me, I will obsess over it - and try to change my personality until they like me - even if they don't like me for reasons that have nothing to do with me, and even if they're strangers.
I love driving, but sometimes, I'm not too good at it because I spend too much time looking in the rearview mirror if I know I'm being followed. You don't respond like, 'Oh, there's paparazzi.' It's more like, 'There's a man, and he's going to attack me.' That's how your body responds.
Earlier in my career I just thought "I'm not very confident, I don't like singing to people." But people had some faith in me, and here we are. Sometimes I think "Oh maybe I should just be a backing singer." But I've got an amazing team of people who tell me to shut up when I'm like "Oh god, I can't do it." But now, I can't really imagine it being the other way.
Sometimes airport security people recognize me. I'll go through the whole screening process and at the end they'll go, 'Hey, man, I really like your work.' That's so cool.
There are these fantasies among people who watch movies where they're like, "Oh, there's a chemistry between them - something going on." And sometimes there is. But for me, it's more like, I go to work, I do a job, I play a role, and then I go home. I don't wear a cape at home. I'm not an invulnerable alien at home.
What happened to me is I gained a little weight so I could be more accessible to people. They're not like, 'Oh my God, he's, like, a male model comedian; yuck, ugh.' It's like, 'Oh, he's a little squishy; He's like me. He's accessible.' And girls are like, 'Look how cuddly he is. I just want to cuddle up in his neck fat and go to sleep.'
I'm hardly a known name, but I don't want to go, like, 'Oh, people call me a storyteller comedian, let me just go up and just talk about my day.' I don't want that to happen.
If people don't like me for whatever I do, for being me, then that's too bad. I don't want to change to be something that I'm not for other people to like me.
I'm not going to sing something if it doesn't make sense to me, or if it makes me look like I'm begging someone or I'm weak, because that's not me.
I know first hand what its like to be called names and to be affected by things. They would call me fat, they would call me promiscuous in different words. At the time, when I was 12-years-old, that was like the end of the world. To me, bullying is one of my biggest platforms. Lets change the world.
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