A Quote by Rostam Batmanglij
I figured out that it was important for me to have my identity, just live independently and like being myself, musically.
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Somewhere around the fifth or seventh grade I figured out that I could ingratiate myself to people by making them laugh. Essentially, I was just trying to make them like me. But after a while it became part of my identity.
It's important for me to try to find new ways to express myself, but at the same time, have integrity, and still be me, and not lose myself in the midst of this crazy Rap that I'm in. It's important, it's critical, to just try things out. I think, mainly, it's just me being fearless, and not being afraid to conquer anything that comes in my path, I guess.
The drinking was getting way out of control. I just didn't recognize myself anymore. I didn't know what I was doing or where I was. I always had to have some drinks with me in my bag. Just waking up shaking and then having Bloody Marys on your own, first thing in the morning-I started to feel really pathetic about it. So I was like, "I can't live like this." It was just this really awful feeling of becoming a totally different person and not being able to control it at all. Then I tried to not drink, but that didn't work. So I figured I should just go to rehab.
Lyrics are what I tend to tear hair out over and they're where I tend to feel weak musically, if I'm being very honest. It is not something I feel like I know anything about; I would not consider myself a writer. I just want to sing, I just want to sing a melody, I just want to feel a melody, and be part of the song, and everything else is not so important.
I get more out of life just being myself, by just being a human being. Not by being a rock star, not by being whatever. Sometimes I act like a jerk, but I think people respect me for being myself. That's the ultimate thing about the Smashing Pumpkins.
When I came back, I tried to live independently. In the Marine Corps, we're taught as a team, so why would you think you're going to get out of the military and live independently and not rely on your support system around you?
I just figured that, for me to get the best out of myself and do the right thing by myself, I really just needed to step away and find out what I really wanted to do and hopefully getting back to where my people are from and getting out bush could really re-energise me and help heal those wounds.
He's always been tough on me, but I've had to figure out when he's being a coach and when he's being a dad. Once I figured that out, it was much easier. It's definitely tough, something that took years to figure out. Just knowing he was looking for what's best for me, not just yelling at me as a parent. It took maturity.
You know, just being recognized for anything musically for me has been, like incredible because this is all I do, this is all I got. So whenever people can recognize and acknowledge that I'm out here working and doing the best that I can and it's actually paying off and doing something for me, it's a blessing.
I hope one day it's not revolutionary just to be yourself, but I think that the work that's being done around identity and personhood is so important.I feel inspired by people around me who are part of this movement as well: Hari Nef and Rowan Blanchard and Willow Smith and these kids who are really not going to listen to anyone. "I'm just going to say whatever I feel. I'm going to be myself. And if you don't like it, then, you can go screw yourself."
Spending time by myself is VERY important to me and I wake up pretty early, I wake up around 5 in the morning, and I get to have a couple hours to myself, and that is definitely I think really important to me and I think it's important for moms to have that too. And I love to carve out time for myself and sometimes I'll hang out with girlfriends, but i like to keep things pretty intimate.
It's hard to think back. I didn't even know I was going to do it, make actual records. But I was always making up songs, once I figured out that you could do it. I think it's pretty much the same, but there's less urge to get it moving out there. There was a time when it seemed like it was really super important to the audience and now it's just medium-important for people to like us. But that's okay.
The identity of just one thing, the "clash of civilization" view that you're a Muslim or a Hindu or a Buddhist or a Christian, I think that's such a limited way of seeing humanity, and schools have the opportunity to bring out the fact that we have hundreds of identities. We have our national identity. We have our cultural identity, linguistic identity, religious identity. Yes, cultural identity, professional identity, all kinds of ways.
There was a time, early on in my career, when it was very important for me to be liked by everyone. It meant that I was musically less honest with myself.
It just feels like I'm on the right path musically and I'm in the right mindset to continue out my mission in music because I'm not putting myself in a box.
I'd say my relation to being a woman is, I mean being a woman is whatever you want because the concept of gender is not really real, you know? And so for me it's about being comfortable in myself. It's about allowing myself to express who I am in any way that I want to, whether that be through my clothing, the way I present myself to the world, whether that be through like my gender identity and my pronouns. It's just really about allowing yourself to really be expressive and creative.
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