A Quote by Sandra Bullock
I used to get out of bed sometimes and feel depressed and watched a lot of reruns on TV to get over it. I should have allowed myself to be a little more human and not worry about trying to be a superwoman.
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I wasn't going to have enough money to pay for a Good Lifestyle, which meant I'd feel ashamed, which meant I'd get depressed, and that was the big one because I knew what that did to me: it made it so I wouldn't get out of bed, which led to the ultimate thing—homelessness. If you can't get out of bed for long enough, people come and take your bed away.
Whereas I used to get depressed or neurotic or dwell on things, I see my son's bright eyes and smile in the morning, and suddenly, I don't feel like I'm depressed anymore. There's nothing to be depressed about when you've got that.
As I get older, I feel better about myself because I've done a lot of spiritual work on myself and balanced myself out, and so I feel more confident about myself as a person and as a woman.
I get very upset with all of the crowd seekers today, and people out there trying to get on TV. It ain't about you. It's about trying to make the world more just for everybody.
Basically, I've reached the point where I've lost any direct relationship to any of the editors I used to have. I suspect I'll have to pay to publish this myself, and I think a lot about about putting out fifty copies. I used to think about hogwash like my legacy and silly things like that. But I feel like if I never have another book out, I've done okay, I've had like twelve or thirteen little books, and I won't be upset about this on my death bed.
My big complaint with myself is that I get tired. But, I forgive myself because it's human to get tired. But, I didn't always feel like I could forgive myself. There's a certain [drive], I think. But, now I feel like, "OK, you can be tired. People should let you be tired. Then you should go and take a nap, and you should sleep." That's about it.
I don't know if this is the same for everybody, but for me, sometimes I get depressed, where I wake up and I can feel a change. Something went wrong, and it's almost like you feel tingly in a way where you know something is off, and from that point forward, this anxiety kicks in where you just worry and worry... this cyclical, terrible nature.
I used to get defensive and react. Like you, I get pushed and pulled [backstage].... Sometimes people are rude to me, and I feel like, 'You know, guys, I'm just here trying to do my job....' And the reality is, everyone else is just trying to do their job...and sometimes they get on a power trip [and] you feel disrespected. But that's their problem. It's not my problem.
Early on I was a lot more unsure of myself on stage. When our band The Decemberists was getting bigger audiences I was more concerned about alienating them, so I wasn't as willing to take risks and do weird stuff on stage. But once you get more accustomed to it you tend to have more fun with it and not worry about being pilloried for acting out. Whenever you play in front of 400 or 500 more people than you're used to it's always a weird, transitional period.
I was depressed a lot as a kid, and I was really sad and wouldn't be able to get out of bed.
The problem for me is that I just don't often come across material that speaks to me and my TV education. Before we all had DirectTV and Netflix and Amazon, there's literally 15 years where I saw nothing. Now, I get the pleasure of binge-watching, so now I feel like I'm much more in a TV state of mind, because I binge-watched so many incredible TV shows that now I'm actually a little bit more excited about working in the space.
Sometimes it can feel like my bad days in Test cricket get amplified or singled out more than other players, while my good ones can fly under the radar. I'm not making excuses but over time this can get to you a little bit.
There are so many times in life when you have to suppress what you're feeling. A lot of kids have to deal with that in a school environment: You're not allowed to be happy, sad, depressed, over the moon. Being an actor not only do I get to play an angsty teen, but I get the support that I need to be Yara.
Some of my closest friends know that when I worry about something or when I'm upset, I close myself off and stay in my room. I watch movies and I don't get out of bed.
It used to be with chocolate. I would put chocolate in my studio and say, "You know, Nat, there's this chocolate you can have if you get over there." And usually if I got over there, I would start writing. Sometimes I need get out of the house and go to a café and write. Sometimes I'll write with other friends to get myself going. And sometimes I just say "Ok, Nat, enough. Go one hour. Keep your hand going." I'll do whatever it takes.
I just try to keep busy. I find sometimes, when I put my emotions into records, I don't feel as depressed. It's so easy to get depressed. Sometimes it makes me feel better. Sometimes it makes me feel the same. But, the same squared. So, monumentally the same.
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