A Quote by Sarah Silverman
I learned that people in wheelchairs are allowed to have marathons … which, to me, seems like cheating, but what are you gonna say?
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I had my bad-boy moment in my teens. I'll never do that again. It wasn't pleasant, and I learned my lesson. It was sexy and mysterious, and it's like, 'Look how cool they are,' but it's just not worth it. He was lying to me and accusing me of cheating - but then I realized he was the one cheating.
I've learned that I am allowed to say what I like and what I don't like. And I've learned that I have to be professional and not be everyone's best friend.
I think people have this "It can't hurt to ask" mentality, which is true on some level. I get comics like, "Hey, will you look at these videos of me on MySpace?" I was like, "Well, who's gonna benefit from that? What if I don't like you?" No, I'm gonna write to a stranger and say, "Hi. You like me, and I don't like you. And now I feel bad when I didn't need to feel bad, because you put me on the spot." Or like, "Can I open for you?" Well, I've never seen you work, so no. I certainly made awkward mistakes when I was starting out, and they're just trying to have a career.
People say that you always have to tell the truth. But they do not mean this because you are not allowed to tell old people that they are old and you are not allowed to tell people if they smell funny or if a grown-up has made a fart. And you are not allowed to say, 'I don't like you,' unless that person has been horrible to you.
In Paris they have special wheelchairs that go through every doorway. They don't change the doorways, they change the wheelchairs. To hell with the people! If someone weighs a couple more pounds, that's it!
A lot of people in the art world hate to use the word "Photoshop", like it's cheating or easy or something. I say bollocks to that - for me, it's my tool, my paintbrush if you like, and lets me create my own visual language.
Then not everything is gonna be the way you think it oughta be. It seems like everytime I try to make it right, it all comes down on me. Please say honestly you won't give up on me, and I shall believe.
65% of people say that cheating on your income tax is worse than cheating on your spouse. The other 35% were women.
My personal sense of humor is edgy, I would say more cable-like: words you're not allowed to say, ideas that the majority of people might say, "That's too risqué for me."
I think a lot of people that don't know me would say that I lead by example, which I feel like I do. But at the same time, I'm someone who's always been very up-front with people. I'm gonna get straight to the point.
Of all the pitfalls in our paths and the tremendous delays and wanderings off the track, I want to say that they are not what they seem to be. I want to say that all that seems like fantastic mistakes are not mistakes, all that seems like error
is not error; and it all has to be done. That which seems like a false step is the next step.
This is the trouble with cheating: there are no acceptable rules, or laws. It could be a smile, or dancing to a song that you considered to be indefinably 'ours'. It can feel like cheating to go to a restaurant that you used to go to with someone else. Keeping photographs of exes can infuriate, like retrospective cheating.
Wheelchairs can have a huge impact on keeping people safe, because many who use them cannot move independently. They have mobility restrictions and they're on the floor relying on someone to pick them up. So, when they're in their wheelchairs, they feel a lot safer and more independant.
I don't believe, folks, that the media people you see on TV every day from NPR to CBS to ABC to NBC to wherever are ever gonna admit they're irrelevant, and they're not gonna start acting like it, and they're never gonna say, "Gee, you know what? We might have to alter the way we're -" It isn't gonna happen, even if it means the end of them.
I have never learned to say 'gas' for gasoline. It seems to me as absurd as if I were to say 'but' for butter.
I know that the gift that God gave me isn't gonna just wither up and die unless I let it die, so it's a matter of me having the faith that it's gonna come out. Whether or not the public's gonna like it is another story. But I think as long as I keep changing and sticking to what I really love - and the same goes for Steven and the other guys in the band - then people are gonna like it.
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