When I had money, I felt pressure, whether it was to invest it or do good with it, and I couldn't let it fizzle out. It was like I needed to prove to myself that I could look after it, only I did the opposite, but you have to take a chance in life.
Everybody's dream is to win a championship, but not everyone gets that chance. The only thing you can do is make sure you don't look back and have to wonder whether you did everything you could have done. I know I'll be able to look back and feel I had a good, honest career.
I know you only get one chance to make a first impression in a city - and I was so disappointed in myself for how that first season in New York had gone. It felt like a blown opportunity. It felt like I'd cemented my reputation in the opposite way that I'd wanted to. Selfish. Not a leader. Not a winning player.
In 2011, I had a big chip on my shoulder, and I felt like I had a lot to prove every time I went out there. It led to good performances, but sometimes backstage, I could be - not to the talent, but just in general - I could be angry.
I think you have regrets when you didn't give it everything you had, and I always felt like I did. Whether it was good enough or not, that has nothing to do with the fact that I tried my best to give my team a chance to win, year in and year out.
I felt my personal life was not what it should be. It had nothing to do with Mr. Show - I'm monstrously appreciative and understand what it did for me and to me - but after four years, I just felt like I needed to do something else. I guess I wanted to be in a different place, physically.
I felt very low. I had been unmasked only that morning by Jay Cee herself, and I felt now that all the uncomfortable suspicions I had about myself were coming true. After nineteen years of running after good marks and prizes and grants of one sort and another, I was letting up, slowing down, dropping clean out of race.
I think I had something to prove to myself, that I could book a cis role and then if I did come out one day and start auditioning for trans roles, I could say, 'Look, I've already worked in a cis role.'
TO preach a sermon or edit a newspaper were the two things in life which I always felt I could do with credit to myself and benefit to the world, if I only had the chance.
I realized that a lot of the things I had been telling myself about not being good enough just weren't true, and 'Queen of Denmark' gave me the chance to prove to myself that I could do something real.
I went to University after my A levels and did a degree in performing arts. It was only when I got there that I realized there were stage schools out there, and you had your union and your contacts and The Spotlight and this whole world of the acting industry that I had no idea about. So when I graduated, I took a year out and just thought really hard about whether it was something I knew enough about, and whether it was the career I could dedicate the rest of my wacky life to.
I'm a bit tight with money, but so what? I look at the money I'm about to spend on myself and ask myself if IKEA's customers can afford it... I could regularly travel first class, but having money in abundance doesn't seem like a good reason to waste it.. If there is such a thing as good leadership, it is to give a good example. I have to do so for all the IKEA employees.
I always felt like if you get to a point where you've got enough money to invest in something real, you gotta invest in anything that's related to a natural resource because that's gonna be here forever - so you might as well invest in something that's gonna be here, rather than invest in something that's gonna wear out.
I wanted to be involved in music and I felt I needed to get in quick. I didn't want to spend four years in college and then hope for the best. I gave myself a year, which is why I kept pushing people for a chance. I literally felt my whole life was in the balance. Music was my life, and I was scared of having time pass by and missing my chance.
With all the media attention, all the love from the fans, I felt I needed to prove myself. Prove that I'm not a marketing tool, I'm not a ploy to improve attendance. Prove I can play in this league. But I've surrendered that to God. I'm not in a battle with what everybody else thinks anymore.
I knew hundreds and hundreds of women like me, who had traveled in and out of prison in a revolving door. They needed support and help just like I had received. And it could make a difference, just like it had made a difference in my life. I wanted to see them come back to the community and have a chance at a different life, too.
After 9/11, we had to look at the world differently. After 9/11, we had to recognize that when we saw a threat, we must take it seriously before it comes to hurt us. In the old days we'd see a threat, and we could deal with it if we felt like it or not. But 9/11 changed it all.