A Quote by Sidney Poitier
Okay listen, you think I'm so inconsequential? Then try this on for size. All those who see unworthiness when they look at me and are given thereby to denying me value - to you I say, I'm not talking about being AS GOOD as you. I hereby declare myself BETTER than you.
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I now look at the things I could have done better and instead of beating myself up about it, since I can't turn back time, I try to remember to ask myself, "what was this experience sent to me to teach me?" I think specifically about what I will do better next time, then I actively look for moments to practice for the next time.
I think there's a perception out there that people know me based on these glamorous photos they see of me in magazines, but I have about two hours of hair and makeup and then people to dress me, to make me look even better, in those pictures. There's really so much more to me than that.
It's funny. I'm attracted to things that don't have any impact on life. People say I've done a great thing for women. I don't think I have. People say I've given people courage. That makes me feel good, but I don't see how I do that. I think my running is a selfish thing. But it provides the challenge that allows me to feel good about myself. How can I expect to do well in other activities if I don't feel good about myself?
The script is like music to me. I approach it like it's a musical piece and I hear how it's supposed to sound when people say the words. There's rhythms and there's intonations and things, and so, when somebody comes in and hits the notes that I hear, I go okay. Or, they come close enough, and then I'll say "Well how about you try it like this?" and if they have a good ear and they can pick it up, then I think okay, they've got it.
If you look good, you run good. I go on YouTube channels and look at makeup. Each year, I get better and better at it. That's one of the things I love. So, getting ready for races, I look in the mirror and make myself look good there, so all I have to do is perform. You see most sprinters try to glam up. I think it's a confidence thing.
I'm actually kinda quiet off stage, a lotta people don't realize that. I was at a dinner party recently, a bunch of people that I don't know, one guy talking plenty for everybody. "Me myself right and then I and then myself and mee, me, I couldn't tell this one about I cause I was talking about myself and Me- Meee- Mee- Me- Me!" Beware the Me monster.
I think there's a perception out there that people know me based on these glamorous photos they see of me in magazines, but I have about two hours of hair and makeup and then people to dress me, to make me look even better, in those pictures.
If the majority of people said I did something wrong, then I must be wrong, and I will think 'I didn't even mean it like that, why are you treating me like this?' But if a lot of people say that I'm wrong and it's not good, then it must be not good. I will say, 'Okay' and then tell myself that this cannot happen again. I have to grasp it and change it for the better.
And if one day,' she said, really crying now, 'you look back and you feel bad for being so angry, if you feel bad for being so angry at me that you couldn't even speak to me, then you have to know, Conor, you have to that is was okay. It was okay. That I knew. I know, okay? I know everything you need to tell me without you having to say it out loud.
There's no doubt about it: fun people are fun. But I finally learned that there is something more important, in the people you know, than whether they are fun. Thinking about those friends who had given me so much pleasure but who had also caused me so much pain, thinking about that bright, cruel world to which they'd introduced me, I saw that there's a better way to value people. Not as fun or not fun, or stylish or not stylish, but as warm or cold, generous or selfish. People who think about others and people who don't. People who know how to listen, and people who only know how to talk.
And I was -- this is just how I was afraid you'd take it. I knew it, that you'd think this means you were right to be afraid all the time and never feel secure or trust me. I knew it'd be "See, you're leaving after all when you promised you wouldn't." I knew it but I'm trying to explain anyway, okay? And I know you probably won't understand this either, but --wait-- just try to listen and maybe absorb this, okay? Ready? Me leaving is not the confirmation of all your fears about me. It is not. It's because of them.
I always assume I look better than I actually do. I'll feel pretty good about myself when I leave the house, then I'll see a picture and think, 'Crap, I had no idea that's what I was looking like.'
When I say a girl like me, I bet you think I'm just talking about being fat. How dare you fat-shame me? You think I'm talking about being black? Racist. What makes you think I'm not talking about being smart? What? You don't think a fat, black girl can be smart or something? Fat-shaming racists like you make me sick.
People say bad things about me. I've had people tell me, "You know, Rush, I've been telling people to listen to you and listen to you, and I finally get 'em to do it, and then you say something so offensive, and they look me, 'You listen to this?' And I'm tired of defending you, Rush. Why do you say stupid things?" I know what this is like.
We all hate on ourselves way too much, and there are so many people who think they have to look like those women on TV. That's so unreasonable. Everybody is supposed to be a different size. And if I can just be confident in myself, then I'll look better. It's quantum physics!
I don't like to appoint myself to nothing, knowing I'm no better than anybody else. But it always makes me feel good to know I try to do the best I can, and those who might observe say, 'Hey, I can take a little something from that person.'
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