Supermarkets and specialist suppliers will have you believe there are great substitutes for cheese. There are not. No vegan cheese tastes anything like decent cheese, and melting cheese might as well be alchemy as far as the vegan cheese industry is concerned.
I like cottage cheese. That's why I want to try other dwelling cheeses, too. How about studio apartment cheese? Tent cheese? Mobile home cheese? Do not eat mobile home cheese in a tornado.
Swiss cheese is the only cheese you can draw and people can identify. You can draw American cheese, but someone will think it's cheddar. It's the only cheese you can bite and miss. "Hey Mitch - does that sandwich have cheese on it?" "Every now and then!"
I love cheese. It intensified when I moved to France. It felt like my cheese shop lady was my dealer because every week I'd say, 'I need this cheese, I need that cheese', and she'd cut me enough for the week but I'd finish a whole piece in one go.
I'm layering away: sauce, noodles, I belong to you, cheese, sauce, my heart is yours, noodles, cheese, I hear your soul in your music, cheese, cheese, CHEESE.
Cheese and jam are really nice. Cheese and apple as well. Cheese and grapes are good.
I will eat everything. Cheese. Mac and cheese. Anything and cheese. I love that stuff.
Then one day, this kid named Darren Walsh touched the Cheese with his finger, and that's what started this thing called the Cheese Touch. It's basically like the Cooties. If you get the Cheese Touch, you're stuck with it until you pass it on to someone else. The only way to protect yourself from the Cheese Touch is to cross your fingers.
I used to live with two other guys. We used to cook two things. The first one was called 'cheese... thing' and that was where you get something and you melt cheese over it and the first one to guess what it is doesn't have to wash up. That's obviously quite Mediterranean; the other one was less complex. It was just called 'cheese fantasy.' That's where you come in, very drunk, at about five in the morning and find an apple and just pretend there's some cheese on it.
I remember cream cheese in celery, with a sprinkling of paprika, served at my dad and stepmum's 'soirees' in the 70s, where people danced to Slade in long tartan dresses. I'd go down and eat the cheese cubes left over from cheese and pineapple on sticks, because guests would only eat the pineapple.
I like a cheese and pickle. Nice cheese and pickle on a real old-fashioned bread. Ploughman's lunch.
I was on a bus once, it was in the middle of the night, and I had a box of crackers and a can of Easy Cheese. It was dark, and it was a surprise how much cheese I had applied on each cracker. That's why they should have a glow-in-the-dark version of Easy Cheese. It's not like the product has any integrity to begin with. If you buy a room-temperature cheese that you squeeze out of a can, you probably won't get mad because it glows in the dark too.
Cheese is good. And Britain, despite the grumblings of the French and the outrage of the Swiss, not to mention some plucky challenges from Italy, Austria, and Spain, has some of the best cheese in the world. We're world leaders in cheese.
I've always had a good imagination. If I saw a sitcom, and everything was made out of cheese, I wouldn't go 'What?' I wouldn't get angry. I'd think, 'Right, OK, all cheese? Amazing.'
A whole new thing. A forging of the humble parts of bread and cheese into a greater whole. I call it...a cheese-trap.
They said you can't go to the moon. They said you can't put cheese inside a pizza crust, but NASA did it. They had to, because the cheese kept floating off in space.