A Quote by Stephen Colbert

Knock Knock. Who's there? The Truth. No joke.

Stephen Colbert

Quote Topics

Joke Knock Truth

Quote Author

Stephen Colbert
American - Comedian
Born: May 13, 1964

No man ever got very high by pulling other people down. The intelligent merchant does not knock his competitors. The sensible worker does not knock those who work with him. Don't knock your friends. Don't knock your enemies. Don't knock yourself.

Alfred Lord Tennyson

I like to wear a "Do Not Disturb" sign around my neck so that little kids can't tell me knock-knock jokes. "Hey, how ya doin'? Knock-knock." "Read the sign, punk!"

Mitch Hedberg

Here it comes," she said with an expression of pure bliss. "Drug rush ... any moment now ... the surge of warmth ... bye-bye, Mr. Pain..." "Vee-" "Knock, knock." "This is really important-" "Knock, knock." "It's about Elliot-" "Knock, knoooock," she said in a singsong voice. I sighed. "Who's there?" "Boo." "Boo who?" "Boo-hoo, somebody's crying, and it's not me!" She broke into hysterical laughter.

Becca Fitzpatrick

No man ever got very high by pulling other people down. The intelligent merchant does not knock his competitors. The sensible worker does not work those who work with him. Don't knock your friends. Don't knock your enemies. Don't knock yourself.

Alfred Lord Tennyson

I had one guy say, 'I watched your show and didn't agree with what you said.' And I'm like, 'It's a joke. How could you not agree? I can understand you saying it's not funny.' But it's like my going onstage and doing a knock-knock and somebody going, 'I disagree. There's no door here.'

Carlos Mencia

It's just not funny to disrespect other people's beliefs, backgrounds, cultures, or identities when those are deeply rooted in longstanding oppression. Jokes that punch down on marginalized people require no creativity because they've existed since the beginning of time. It's like telling a knock-knock joke and believing you're Richard Pryor.

Franchesca Ramsey

Before I drop in, I tend to knock on my snowboard. You know how when you jinx yourself, they're like, 'Knock on wood.' My snowboard's wood, so in case I jinxed myself sometime in the past, I just knock on my board. It just makes me feel a lot more comfortable.

Chloe Kim

What I say is stupid. Who takes a comedian seriously? I'm doing sophisticated knock-knock jokes.

Carlos Mencia

I am shocked and slightly perturbed by his exuberance and quick wit. Knock Knock Channel 4

Scott Capurro

Something like 'Knock Knock,' I was trying to do a Joe Meek, 'Johnny Remember Me'-type thing.

Matt Berry

And what if I never go of my own free will? Will you pitch me from some window so that I must fly or fall? Will you bolt all shutters after me? You had better, because I'll knock and knock and knock until I fall down dead. I'll have no wings that take me away from you.

Anne Rice

Humble yourself"--it is a humbling experience to knock at God's door--you have to knock with the crucified thief. "To him that knocketh, it shall be opened.

Oswald Chambers

I had not yet gotten into the world of light. But I felt as one who, standing outside, could knock against the wall and hear an answering knock from within.

Simon Newcomb

I try to find nice chord changes, that's how I love to start, and then I start trying to knock it into a song, knock it into shape.

Jeff Lynne

I enjoy darker sardonic wit more than knock-knock jokes. I spent the first healthy chunk of my career playing all-American, pleasant, average, nice people, so it's fun to have some complications there.