A Quote by Stephen Colbert

Oh sure, its fine when a monkey does it. But when I throw barrels at an Italian plumber, they call it a hate crime!

Stephen Colbert

Quote Topics

Barrels Call Crime Does Fine Hate Hate Crime Italian Monkey Oh Plumber Sure Throw

Quote Author

Stephen Colbert
American - Comedian
Born: May 13, 1964

If I found myself alone on planet Earth, no other humans, I would have sex with a monkey in like two minutes. Two minutes. That's really not long enough to be sure you're alone on the Earth, even. That's like... I walk outside, it's- there's not much traffic. "Oh, my God, it's just me! I'm gonna have sex with a monkey right now. Oh, no-there's a person."

Louis C. K.

Charles Darwin wrote a famous book in 18 [gibberish]. And that book was an interesting book, cuz it was called "Monkey-Monkey-Monkey-Monkey-Monkey-Monkey-You".

Eddie Izzard

Oh how will crime engender crime! throw guilt Upon the soul, and like a stone cast on The troubled waters of a lake, 'Twill form in circles round succeeding round; Each wider than the first.

George Colman the Elder

Let's do it. Monkeys are always funny. You pretty much can't go wrong with a monkey, right? Hi paused. Well unless that monkey wants you dead, or does needle drugs or something. Then it's wrong, and a bad monkey.

Kathy Reichs

Hello," Magnus said to the monkey. The monkey did not reply. "I shall call you Ragnor.

Cassandra Clare

Every audition, I walk out the door and throw the sides away immediately. You did it, now go home. And to me, that's kind of a baptism. If they call you, they call you. And if they don't, it's fine.

Michael Mosley

The U.S. only has 20 billion barrels of oil in reserve. It seems as though there is no more oil around. Venezuela has 300 billion barrels of oil in reserves. Iraq has, like, 150 billion barrels of oil. Iran, close to 300 billion barrels of reserve. Oil for 200 years, of course.

Hugo Chavez

I can train a monkey to wave an American flag. That does not make the monkey patriotic.

Scott Ritter

Italian is a very different poetic situation and there are these hard and fast rhythmic periods, settenari, ottonari of seven and eight syllables. These are fundamental to the way people speak and write and breaking them is more radical in Italian than when we break a line. I'm sure there are Italian poets who want to write poetry as prose and break these Petrarchan rules. And breaking them is fun and a valid thing to do. But I'm more interested in trying to write poetry that absorbs tradition and uses it in new ways, and doesn't throw it out.

Jonathan W. Galassi

If I take a stand for something, then it's an issue. 'Oh, he's about to get fined for that.' Why does the fine matter? Why does it matter in the course of what I'm trying to do? It isn't about the fine.

DeSean Jackson

I call on you not to hate, because hate does not leave space for a person to be fair and it makes you blind and closes all doors of thinking.

Saddam Hussein

I'm married to an Italian woman, and I used to love cooking Italian at home, because it's one-pot cooking. But my wife does not approve of my Italian cooking.

Anthony Bourdain

When God calls a man, He does not repent of it. God does not, as many friends do, love one day, and hate another; or as princes, who make their subjects favourites, and afterwards throw theminto prison. This is the blessedness of a saint; his condition admits of no alteration. God's call is founded upon His decree, and His decree is immutable. Acts of grace cannot be reversed.God blots out His people's sins, but not their names.

Thomas Watson

It's better to throw a theoretically poorer pitch whole-heartedly, than to throw the so-called right pitch with feeling of doubt-doubt that's it's right, or doubt that you can make it behave well at that moment. You've got to feel sure you're doing the right thing-sure that you want to throw the pitch you're going to throw.