A Quote by Steven Wright
I put a new engine in my car, but forgot to take the old one out. Now my car goes 500 miles per hour. The harmonica sounds amazing.
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When you try to do something ten per cent better, you tend to work from where you are: if I ask you to make a car that goes 50 miles a gallon, you can just retool the engine you already have.
It strikes me that the only reason to take apart a pocket watch, or a car engine, aside from the simple delight of disassembly, is to find out how it works. To understand it, so you can put it back together again better than before, or build a new one that goes beyond what the old one could do. We've been taking apart the superhero for ten years or more; it's time to put it back together and wind it up, time to take it out on the road and floor it, see what it'll do.
I felt like a car that had only been operated by one driver… a car its new prospective buyer was determined to take to the Daytona 500.
It's that mindset we have where we think we are indestructible. I know at least I went through that phase, where everything was excessive! Like if I drove a fast car I'd just have to take it to 130 miles per hour or more, you know!
Auto racing is boring except when a car is going at least 172 miles per hour upside down.
I love the idea that if you're going to travel through time, you do it in this insanely dangerous car travelling at 88 miles per hour.
My son, who is 7, he passed a car in a parking lot that was probably a 1998 model, and he said, 'Wow, Dad, look at that old car.' I was looking around for an old car, and I realized that my old car maybe stops at 1965.
You can refi your car loan just like you can refi your mortgage. It's even easier and less expensive. There's no appraisal process, and fees are minimal for a new car title. A couple of caveats: Most lenders require that the car be less than five years old and have a minimum loan balance of $7,500.
Did you take Joyce's engine?' 'My instructions were to disable the car, but one of the men bet Hal a burger he couldn't get the engine out. So Hal removed the engine.
New Zealand was such a weird place in the 1980s. For instance, we used to have this commercial in the late 1970s where this guy drives this car and stops outside a corner store. He goes in to buy something, and when he comes out, his car is gone. He's like, 'Huh?' Then a voice says, 'Don't leave your keys in the car.'
There, gleaming in the glow, was that ten-horsepower rotary engine under a seat. A key glistening in the ignition. I imagine the top speed for that old mower was five miles per hour. It might have taken an hour and a half or more for me to get to the liquor store, but get there I did.
If you have a car and you win a race, you cannot just settle for that. You must try and make the car better. We're a good car but you always want a bigger engine.
To me the biggest waste of time is commuting. First, there is no place that is less than a two-hour commute from New York. You can be half a mile outside of the city limits; you're two hours away by car. I don't care how close they tell you it is. "Oh, it's only thirty miles." Thirty miles? At 8:30 in the morning, thirty miles outside New York, you might as well be starting out in Omaha.
Virtual reality is extremely exciting. We have the biggest opportunity in sports when you talk about the possibility of bringing fans inside a car going nearly 200 miles-per-hour.
Old cars have things to say. With an old car, you have to be extra observant about everything. You have to listen and pay attention - to how the engine sounds, where the oil levels are at, if it's running hot, all of that. You've gotta be tuned in, and I like that. New cars, to me they just feel like plain sheets of metal.
If you look at the offense like a fancy car, the offensive line is the engine. Even though we might have nice spinners and nice rims and tinted windows and some neat paint job, it doesn't mean crap without the engine. If the engine's not working, the car might look like a pretty nice car, but it's a piece of crap.
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